A broken heart is just such a damn stupid thing to have, it well & truly sucks! I've been dealing with this since October 20th, struggling to get over this misery. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, because it's so tiring & exhausting, & saps you of your energy & enthusiasm, it robs you of joy & happiness.
All the best laid plans that had initially been talked about now gone, no moving to Kelowna anytime soon, if ever. A friendship that had started off so promisingly, will hopefully survive unscathed from the fallout of this shitstorm I've found myself in.
I've been reading the book "The Secret" recently. It seems to be all about the power of positive thinking & the Universe & what you put out into it & all that. My initial impressions of this book was that it's a bunch of hooey. But I am trying to pick & choose bits & pieces of it to try to cling to, to believe in. To try to regain my sense of self & try to see if I can love myself once again, because right now, my psyche is taking a real beating. I feel so lost at times, I'm just hoping that I'll be able to find myself once again, soon actually because I have my next big adventure coming up at the end of January, to Australia, & I do not want to be feeling way down in the dumps by then still.
Why is it when one is in the throes of self inflicted misery, that you lay around, feeling down in the dumps, analyzing over & over what went wrong? I am trying not to continue to dwell on things that I cannot change, but it seems to have affected me a lot more than I'd ever expected. WTF indeed.
As far as believing in love still, I do so want to, but I just can not keep going through this every single time someone new comes into my life. My belief in love is seriously coming into question at this time. All those sayings that are out there, "it's better to have loved & lost than to have not loved at all", "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" are a bit tough to have faith in lately.