Monday, May 28, 2007

Forks in the Road of Life

A friend of mine asked me a question the other day. It's really gotten me thinking. She often does that; makes me think about things. I like that about her. In this case, it had to do with moving my life half way across to the other side of the country. It's the same area she's hoping to go to. The fact that it's inevitable that she's going is making me beyond sad. The fact that she's going is making me toy with the idea of following her there. Hence a fork in the road.

I've never thought, at least not since I was a teenager, about living anywhere else than where I am. I used to say, before I graduated high school, that I was going to go back & live in Toronto. Sadly, I never did.I used to hate Stoney Creek, to a teenager in the 80's, it was deadsville. It's funny but now, I couldn't actually just pick up tomorrow & say, that's it, I'm leaving. Everything I love is here, family, friends. Everything familiar & "safe" is here. Here is where my comfort zone is. And I know that it's not good in life to be too complacent about things, but, fear of the unknown & unfamiliar scares the bejesus out of me. I also know it's probably something I should've tried to do a lot sooner in life rather than later, but I can't change what once was. However, I can try to change what my futures' like, should I happen to get brave enough to consider changing it.

I have another friend, an online friend, & you know who you are, who's blog I follow religiously as well. She & her family have lived all over the place, mostly in the States but not long ago, made a huge overseas change & moved to Germany.It wasn't without a lot of challenges & a good hard dose of culture shock,but I'm still amazed that she was able to just pick up & do that, but they did, & they seem to be thriving quite well.

For me though, the questions of moving elsewhere, finally, really actually on my own, is frightening. I've never been able to support myself on my own before. It terrifies me, almost paralyzes me with fear. Because the inevitable questions pop up: where would I live, how would I afford to pay for anything,how would I be able to afford to feed myself & still have my computer & tv & everything familiar there that I currently have here? I would be so far out of my comfort zone, I think I'd almost feel crippled, but maybe that's my fear talking.

Change has always been something I've resisted. I've never liked it,I've always just preferred the familiar because it's safe & reliable.

I still have a two month (hopefully) trip to Australia & New Zealand to take, so I don't know whether or not I'll actually end up taking up my friends' challenge or not, but a couple of points she made to me makes complete sense. She's given me a lot to think about. Maybe, if I can make it on my own for the two months I'll be away, maybe I'll be able to be comfortable enough to think about actually living somewhere else.


EuroTrippen said...

We do move often, but always, always after lining up a job first. I completely understand your reluctance to just pick up and move without at least that lined up... I wouldn't want to do it either!

But I'm also here to say that if you want something badly enough, you'll eventually find a way.

And doesn't it suck that it always comes down to money in the end?? People who say money isn't important are either lying, stupid, or already have more than they need.

Annie said...

I understand your reluctance from the deepest part of me. In the last few years, we have discussed moving several times to escape the money pit that is New York State, but always find ourselves thinking about friends, family, comfort, familiarity, and memories. I'll bitch about NYS until the day I die, but the truth is, it's home and it's probably where we'll always be.

Forks in the road don't always necessarily have to lead you away, but can just be a shortcut to the place you love best.

Rositta said...

My sweetie wanted to move us to Athens in '97, I fought that tooth and nail. I'm too old, I said to start over again, learn a new language etc. etc. etc. I had to stay here in T-Dot to take care of my Mom, I said. Now there's just the two of us and maybe we will make a move somewhere else....ciao