Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Up Early Again

I'm finding myself awake far too early again today, I've always been such a light sleeper; so I got up & got onto the computer, as is my usual morning ritual, thankfully I have the day off. I dont' know what I have to say today, though it seems like I have a lot on my mind. I'm currently listening to the beautiful k.d. lang's voice, singing Close Your Eyes. I actually don't mind getting up really early in the morning, during the spring/summer, because it's so beautiful at this time of the year. I particularly love seeing the sun rise.

k.d., I have to say, has really done a lot lately to help me get my mind off of my friend, whom I've been alternatingly curing & missing to death. It's been such a painful seven months, since I last saw her. The fallout from our parting ways has been completely horrible for me. I've been on the verge of turning to anti depressants to help me get over my terrible sadness, until I realized what the side effects were, & I realized that I just didn't want to go there. Instead, I've found other distractions to help me keep my mind off of her.

I've been attempting to read a book by the Dahli Lama, called The Art of Happiness, which I really do want to get into, but it's a slow process so far. I'm hoping I'll get more into it as I go along. Other distractions I've been finding lately is getting into watching a show called The L Word. Yes, it's about lesbians, but it's a really well acted, well done show. It's been costing me a small fortune buying all the box sets of the seasons; so far, I've got season 1 & 2. There are at least five seasons up to now, although I don't know if season five is out yet. And then there's Nip/Tuck, I've started buying that show too, although I may not try to get all of those shows right now. I also picked up a Best of the Larry Sanders Show yesterday. That show is one of those rare ones that were so good, but for some stupid reason, was cancelled way before it's time. I think cd's & dvd's, when I find something I really want, are my biggest indulgence; some women spend fortunes on shoes, my thing is cd's & dvd's!

Every day is still an on going process for me, but so far, at least for today, it feels like a lot less of a struggle as it has been in the last few months, although I think it's still early on in my "recovery". I've shed a lot less tears this last week, I'm actually hoping that I'm all cried out but I have no doubt I'm sure that I'll probably shed a few more tears yet over my friend, who refuses to communicate with me. I'm doing my best to respect her wishes, but man, it's so hard, not being able to talk to her whenever I want. That's the painful part that if I allow myself to wallow too much in that, it'll destroy me. I can't let that happen. As I keep telling myself, nobody is worth that amount of grief when they've broken your heart into a million pieces.

Having something to look forward to really helps as well. While I won't be travelling anywhere anytime soon (I WISH!!!), I will have k.d. lang's concert at Hamilton Place to look forward to. I've never seen her perform live before, but I am so excited at the prospect of seeing her. And then there's the rest of the summer which should hopefully be fun & possibly eventful. Crowded House is coming in early may, unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to that show this time around, my $$$ situation is still recovering from recent car repairs & my Australia trip. Such is life however.

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