Oh my God, what's wrong w/ me tonight? Totally hating my life right now. It's Saturday night, I've been on the web all night, wandering aimlessly around, with no one to talk to.....I'm feeling terribly pathetic tonight. I've been listening to the song 4 in the morning, by Gwen Stefani on repeat all night long. I'm feeling so utterly alone right now, altho I'm not alone alone. I'm probably going to read this back later & feel so stupid for having written stuch tripe.
It's not that I totally hate being single, it's definitely got it's advantages, but it's those times when you really feel like you need closeness with someone. I've been long overdue for some closeness, but I feel like I have this battle with myself sometimes where I'll tell myself, "you're too bossy, too this, too that, not skinny/pretty/funny whatever enough for anyone to love". Cripes, I thought I was over this in my 20's & early 30's....Whoever said that you feel more "settled" in your 40's was lying, it's bullshit, I hardly feel settled. I still feel scattered at times. I hardly know what the hell to do w/ myself at times, never sure about what I ultimately want in life or how to get it. They don't give you a guidbook about living singly in your 40's, how the hell do you figure out life all by yourself?