The World According to Lisa

Blame Baby Blame

2010-06-16T05:55:00.002-05:00

Listening to the lastest on the BP oil spill I have to say that I very highly resent the fact that as the days go on, we're now being told that "WE" "ALL" have to take the blame for this oil spill. I say bullsh*t!

As a consumer, driver of a SMALL car, I don't feel the need to share the blame for BP's absolutely GROSS INCOMPETENCE in how they chose to run their oil well! THEY are the ones from the very beginning who've willfully & BLATANTLY lied, stonewalled on the amount of oil being spilled into the Gulf, ruining & killing everything in sight!

With the exception of perhaps *& no offense to* those who insist on driving ridiculously huge, gas guzzling vehicles, & I am talking about the *city drivers of* Escalades, the Hummers & those of that size, why should any consumer be expected to take the blame along with BP? WE are not the ones who decided to go drill an oil rig deep into the ocean, WE are not the ones who, rather than waiting for the cement to solidify on the structure, decided to plow ahead anyway, WE are not the ones who not only admitted to it but did blatantly ignore their own safety standards & not only that, admitted that they were not able to handle a catastrophe of such magnitude!!!!! Their sheer volume of gross & blatant incompetence is beyond the scale of disgust, this was a bunch of men running this company who clearly had NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE DOING AND WENT AHEAD & DID IT ANYWAY!!!

The magnitude of the damage done is incalcuable & WE will be paying for it for a very long time; there are not enough tears in the world we could shed over this tragedy. Llvelyhoods are now in ruins, fish, animals & mammals are now dead or dying because of this. They will pay & pay & pay for years to come. So too should the very men who ran BP. I sincerely hope that this gross error on their part runs them into the ground. Nothing short of their complete & total bankrupsy will be enough.

Death and Destruction on the Gulf of Mexico

2010-06-04T17:51:00.002-05:00

The explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig, owned by British Petroleum (BP), happened on April 20th of this year, when 11 men tragically died. To date, current estimates of the amounts of oil spilled are anywhere between 1,900,0000 to 16,000,000 litres PER DAY into the Gulf. Sickening isn't it? And now, pictures are finally surfacing of the impact of this damage; pictures that BP hasn't wanted anyone to see! Of the birds, fish, turtles, dolphins, sharks, all kinds of sea life is now completely slathered from top to tail in thick, stinky, greasy oil & are now washing up on the shorelines in droves. More than 400 species live in the islands and marshlands at risk. In the national refuges most at risk, about 34,000 birds have been counted, including gulls, pelicans, roseate spoonbills, egrets, terns, and blue herons.As of May 30, dead animals collected from the spill zone included 491 dead birds, 227 sea turtles, and 27 mammals including dolphins The pictures, which I just can't stomach to look at any longer have left me grief stricken & heartsick. And thoroughly, completely angry at "man's" sheer incompetence & irresponsibility, all in the name of the almighty buck!

People will argue that "WE" the consumers are all just as much to blame, but I say that that's a load of bunk! "WE" the consumers were not to blame for this company's gross negligence! It has been reported that in fact, it IS a fact that they blatantly ignored their own safety regulations & recommendations & took short cuts when this well was built, because they were in such a damn huge hurry to get their operations under way.

BP CEO Tony Hayward was quoted as lamenting in the news that he wants his life back, wished for this to all go away. The absolute audacity of this ignorant man kills me! Another example of his ignorance,when he attempted to downplay the seriousness of this "accident" at the beginning of this tragedy when it was in it's infancy, he was actually quoted as saying,in effect, that this spill was small in comparison to the size of the Gulf of Mexico. Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? Clearly, this man did not have a clue. I would like to hope that at this point in the tragedy, he's gotten far more up to speed on things.

So, I woke up angry at the state of those poor animals & mammals that are suffering so horrendously. All day today while I was at work, it was on my mind, I am wishing that I were able to do something more than just throw money at the problem. If there were some way, some how, I would absolutely love to offer myself to help. To volunteer to try & was away the muck & the oil from the animals that have suffered so. I am going to be giving some thought to this, but I am totally serious. I would love to go down to Louisiana & help in some small way. Whether I do or not remains to be seen, but I would go in a heartbeat.

Aside from all the animals that are suffering & will be lost to this, there's also the human cost as well. Other than the 11 men who died out on the ocean, there's also a whole way of life going to needless waste as well. All of the men & women along the coasts of Louisiana, Alabama, Florida, who's whole way of life is now or will soon be a distant memory. For those who made their living on the ocean, that way of life is now almost certainly gone. What do you say to someone like that who worked a shrimp boat, or ran a tour boat? OOPS! Sorry about that! There is absolutely nothing that could ever make up for the damage that BP has done. The cost of the loss is beyond anything that they will ever be able to make up for. Sadly it is beyond the beyond & will take generations to repair. Just chalk it up to yet another black mark against the already badly beaten environment.

*the numerical stats in this blog were obtained from the most recent information on the Wikipedia page listed as Deep Water Horizon oil spill*

Fun on Saturday Night

2010-03-28T21:05:00.005-05:00

Have you ever had times when you've felt like a moth to a flame? Sometimes I feel like that. What is it about some people that you just feel so drawn to? Is it the way they dress? The way they act? Their personality? The way they make you feel when you're in their company? Are they people you know or have just met? These are the questions that run through my head. Is it weird to still get crushes on people when you're in your 40's?

I've got to say that I've been extremely lucky with the people I've met thus far from places like Facebook & Twitter. Everyone I've met are among the nicest I've met & a whole lot of fun.The most recent night of fun occurred on Saturday night, at Dawn Langstroth's concert at the Living Arts Centre in Mississauga.

Here's the group I was with:

From left to right: Nancy, Patricia, KellyW, Tracey, me, Lesley, Noelle Pamela & Marilyn, & in the front row, KellyG & Jules, all really nice, really cool women, with Noelle coming in all the way from PEI to see Dawn, how cool is that???

Here's the thing, I don't know whether we'll remain friends for life, or just be friends for awhile & then fade off in different directions, but for now, for today, I am really enjoying spending time with these women, they're all really cool in all their own aways. And I am revelling in it each time we all find ourselves together, because I know that whatever's going to follow will involve lots of laughing & silliness, which I love!

Cheating Cheaters & the People Who Marry Them

2010-03-17T16:06:00.003-05:00

I seriously need to vent. I was going through all the gossip sites when I came across something that made me just see red.

I love Sandra Bullock; I think she's an amazing actress, she recently won a well deserved Oscar for her role in The Blindside, lately everything has been absolute aces for her. Until today; the news came out, just a rumour at this point until it's officially confirmed, that her husband, Jesse James has been discovered to be cheating on her. I guess I really shouldn't be surprised or shocked & yet, I am. Because I really wanted to believe, naively it turns out, that this marriage would last & be immune to outside influences, because Sandra deserves that. Nobody of course knows what the fall out is going to be until there's something officially said, but the news of this bombshell seems to have really hit me, I am so pissed off!!!

Sandra took a long time before deciding to get married, for reasons only she knows, when she finally did, I'll bet she was so happy that day & she believed in her vows & believed in Jesse, when he said his.

What the hell is it about men that mades them get so ansty about staying faithful to the person they, of their FREE WILL, decided to marry, & then go & cheat on them with the first person that catches their eye? What is the point of going through the pretense of "the big day", getting married if you're not going to love the one you're with forever? Why bother getting married when everyone just stays faithful for a little while & then gets bored,lonely or whatever & looks for something better??? Cheating I know has been around forever & lots of people through the years have cheated & dumped their significant other, but many others have stayed the course & STAYED married without having to feel the need to cheat!

Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Bill Clinton, practically every politician, musician, actor, actress, everyday people that we all look up to & admire have ALL cheated! What is wrong with people? It just makes me angry & makes me feel deflated & disalussioned with love. I've always believed in love, always wanted to find someone of my own to love. I'm 43 years old & had three relationships in my life. The emotional heartache from 2 of them nearly killed me when I got dumped but it's made me stronger & I moved on. Sometimes I can't thank God enough that I'm still single; other days, I long to be with someone who loves me as much as I could love them. As much as I think love is pretty cool, it's also a hell of a mindfuck too, when it goes bad. I feel as though I'm losing my faith in it though; there've been times I have said that I'd rather have a dog than a person to love because at least a dog would never cheat on you. Sometimes I'm only half kidding about that. I really don't want to be this bitter betty about love, truly. But I seriously think that people who are cheaters, or who are contemplating cheating, need to smarten the hell up! Stop putting your partner through untold amounts of heartache, people have been known to DIE of heartbreak you know! Stop investing your life & your love into someone else's life if you're just going to turn their whole lives upside down! It's not fair!

My thoughts go back to Sandra, I know she's a strong woman, but I really hope that she has a slew of people around her who will help cushion the blows & the heartache she's about to go through. I also hope she gives Jesse a good swift kick in the nuts because he deserves it.

Long Ago & Far Away

2010-02-28T16:57:00.004-05:00

Holy Schmoly, it's been a whole year(!) since I've blogged anything, Twitter having taken over my life along w/ Facebook. Made a ton of new, cool friends, via both of those places & am working FT. The working part if good, although it's taking a toll physically so much so that now I'm going through physiotherapy & am just beginning to deal with WSIB, joy oh bliss. I just hope that I'll get through that experience with as little psychological damage as possible.

Will try to make a better effort at blogging again soon

Australia is Burning

2009-02-10T13:32:00.000-05:00

This image is among many devastating ones, coming out of Australia the last few days. I'm just heartsick over all of the damage. That people have died, lost everything they own, & the animals that have perished. It's horrifying to think that these fires were deliberately set, all while Australia is enduring 100+ degrees F heat. It's utterly unconscionable. My heart & prayers go out to all of Australia. Please pray for them.

Things That Make Me Laugh

2009-01-24T21:45:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh. After my last blog, I feel much better, but now I need to change the subject a bit. So herewith, I present things that make me smile, laugh & instantly erases my bad mood, when bad moods strike. The following are guaranteed to banish anyone's black clouds!

A New Era Has Come

2009-01-21T19:30:00.000-05:00

I watched Barack Obama's inauguration yesterday, it was brilliant. President Obama is absolutely awe inspiring & I'm not even American. Our Canadian prime minister could learn a thing or two from Obama. His speech was enthralling I couldn't take my eyes off of him, listening to him speak, was mesmerizing, he's a very powerful speaker. And commanding. When he speaks, people sit up & listen; what sitting president can we say has had the same effect? It's been a very, very long time I'd say. My most favorite part of the whole speech, & it was all very good, was this part:

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist

WOW! Just. Wow. ~ Yes. We. Can.

What Kind of World Are We Living In?

2009-01-11T13:35:00.000-05:00

I hate using my blog to rant & rave, but I am angry. So angry I could spit, & scream & yell, but what good would that do. I really hate people sometimes. I don't want to, but whenever I read some new story in the papers about some outrageous thing someone has done, it makes me hate those people. For example, just today, I read a story about some stupid jackass that was out driving out in the country in an area called Aspley. Just driving along, suddenly he sees a beautiful big buck deer, so what does he do? He takes his shotgun out, which he apparently drives around with, & shoots it dead & takes it with him! WHY?

Then, there's another story, of a brain dead 19 year old from Gretna, Louisiana, who was babysitting three kids, one just a FIVE MONTH OLD baby. Well, girlfriend was watchin' the teevee & it seems that the three brats where interruptin' her teevee watchin', so she went I did what anyone woulda dun, she went & put the five month old intah the clothes dryer for three whole minutes! What the fuck!?!?!?!?

And then, there's the story of the woman, from Dayton, Ohio, who was stabbed to death & her four year old son kidnapped & left alone at a truck stop diner, clad only in his bare feet & pj's. The killer had stolen their car a week before, & using information found in the car, then went to their home to rob them & ended up killing the woman while the husband was at work. Along the way, he also sexually molested the kid too. What the fuck!?!?!?!?

What kind of God damned world do we live in that these things go on, day after day after day!???!! Why? I don't think I will ever know the answer to those things, I am not really sure I want to know why people do the things that they do. Things like this make it very easy to lose faith in humanity, in human decency & fucking common sense! It seems that common sense has gone the way of the dinosaurs, just like common courtesy, politeness, manners, morality, decency, & dignity. That just makes me sad. I really feel the need to renew my faith in humanity, I need to believe that we're not all just a bunch of immoral, disgusting animals going around raping, killing, being constantly rude to each other, pushing, shoving, bullying, being angry all the time. I don't want to hate people, I really don't, but there sure are a hell of a lot of really really bad apples out there in the world. I wish we could just round up all the bad apples in this world & shoot them out into the next galaxy beyond the sun forever!

Merry Ho Ho and Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

As I start this blog out, first of all, I'd like to send a special shout out to B, of Eurotrippen - Here is where a bunch of the snow is, just for you:

Now, one or two of these shots are from last year but the others are from this year. I don't think we quite got as much this year as we did last year, but it's more than enough for me. I am SO not a winter person; now that we're a day away from Christmas day, this is all I want to see, once December 26th comes, I want it all gone, wishful thinking of course, but hey, a girl can dream can't she? I am beyond jealous of my Aussie friends who are currently basking in nice hot 70-80 degree weather at the moment, it's just not fair, but I know it'll be back again in maybe, ohhhhh, four months or so, oh the humanity of it all!

Anyhoo, for anyone who happens to follow my little blog here, I'd like to take this time to wish you all a gloriously happy Christmas day & a happy, healthy 2009, let's hope we'll all survive the next year relatively unscathed, as the economy goes into the crapper, thanks to the putzes running the government & financial institutions, thanks a lot for that!

Merry Christmas to one & all

Love Lisa

Daily Rant For the Day

2008-11-26T16:05:00.001-05:00

Otherwise known as things that annoy me/creep me out. I was out at the mall today, mostly just for something to do because I was bored & yet, as much as I really wanted to spend money on something (truthfully, I wanted some new undies), I just couldn't bring myself to whip out my debit card, which is odd for me, because I just didn't see anything that screamed, "I GOTTA HAVE IT" today. So fine; I'm walking along & in the opposite direction, this old-ish guy comes wizzing along in a motorized wheelchair. Now normally, I wouldn't give him a second glance, he's just another shopper out for the day. Except, I caught sight of his left hand & immediately felt ill because he had, on all FIVE fingers, long nails. Not just slightly long-ish, I'm talking ghetto long. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!! Now, I know that he's probably got some set of circumstances that he's found himself in that chair for, but I don't care who you are, long nails on any man except for drag queens is about the grossest thing ever!

The other thing that really annoyed me today was seeing that Rolling Stone magazine has put out it's list (yet another one), of the top 100 singers of all time. They had on a lot of people you'd expect would be on that kind of list, people such as Aretha Franklyn, who took the #1 spot, or Sam Cooke, Ray Charles, Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Otis Redding, James Brown,Mick Jagger, Etta James, Johnny Cash, Jackie Wilson, Howlin' Wolf (ummm, who???), Bono, Whitney Houston, Christina Aguliera, Mariah Carey, & the list goes on, they even had Patsy Cline. They also had Steve Winwood. But what really pissed me off is the utterly shocking exception of kd lang!!!

Now, I know I've come into her music rather late in the game but I'm not mad because of that, I'm mad because she is undeniably one of the GREATEST singers I've ever laid ears on & they excluded her???? WTF Rolling Stone? WTF!?!?!?!? And yet, they have Steve fucking Winwood on that list?? No fucking way is he one of the greatest singers of all time, absolutely no way! Man that pisses me off! Amd Mariah Carey? Of all time? No! They also had Annie Lennox & Karen Carpenter on the list too, at numbers' 93 & 94 respectively & they sure as hell should've been a lot farther up the list than that stupid twit Mariah Carey! Oh the injustice of it all! Rolling Stone really screwed that up big time. In the grand scheme of things, all these types of lists ultimately don't mean frick all at the end of the day & I'm sure it would hardly cause kd to lose any sleep over it, as she probably has bigger things to worry about. Still, it just sucks beyond believe that kd was overlooked.

Newest Most Favorite Thing. Ever.

2008-11-22T21:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I might be a bit crazy with this latest work purchase. I'm starting to think that it's getting dangerous to work there. But then she showed up. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I was mesmerized; maybe it's all the shiny glass, you tend to get mesmerized by shiny objects. Well, she's stunning in my estimation, while I was at work, when they brought her out, I couldn't stop looking at her, it was compelling! I finally had to grab her before anyone else got her, I think I'm glad I did, she's completely gorgeous!

kd lang Interview with Mara Davis

2008-10-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

Found a new radio interview with kd lang. Totally funny & switched on. This is why I love her, she's very funny & bright. She makes my heart swell.

kd lang - Sheer Perfection

2008-10-20T09:15:00.000-05:00

Is there nothing this woman can do vocally? Just when I think she can't get any higher or better, she performed recently for the benenfit of the NPR radio station KCRW. The performance was nothing less than brilliant! kd blew the doors off of every one of those songs; she - as always - leaves me breathless & thrilled - I simply cannot imagine having that kind of talent & being able to sustain it for as long as she has. kd does a beautiful job of maintaining her voice, her stage presence is so much fun, which shows, when she's up on that stage, she owns it, just like she owns every one of her songs that she sings, regardless of whether they were hers to begin with. I am so glad that I can proudly claim her as one of our genuine Canadian treasures.

More Favorite Things

2008-09-21T09:35:00.001-05:00

Okay, so, to counter balance the "Anger" blog, I thought I'd better swing it back into the other direction again & add some more of my favorite things.

One thing I really love, that is definitely a mood brightener & should be prescribed to help people who are depressed or sad or upset more than drugs, is music. I freakin' love music, & there's so much of it out there in the cosmos that is so good. Herewith is a probably small list of my most favorite musicians/singers/bands, in no particular order:

kd lang (because, because, because, omg, there are SO many reasons why!)
Genesis (because up until a few minutes ago, that's who I was listening to on Itunes)
Crowded House (Neil Finn is my God & he's amazing)
Neil Finn (see Crowded House)
Amy Winehouse (Love her music but damn I wish she'd get her shit together!)
Neil Young (He's become an aquired taste, but I really like, well most of his stuff)
Jack Johnson (He's awesome to mellow out to)
Corrine Bailey Rae (She's got such a beautiful voice & her music is fabulous)
Scissor Sisters (LOVE them! So much fun)
Aimee Mann (she's not in the mainstream, but she's got really cool hooks & lyrics)
The B52's (See Scissor Sisters)
Christina Aguliera (She comes pretty close to kd, she's got some pipes on her)
The Clash (Awesome 80's rebelliousness)
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
REM
Lenny Kravitz

And on & on it goes. The above listed are the ones I have in my Itunes library that I listen to the most.

Another thing I love is television, I grew up addicted to it; as an adult, where music as switched my focus, I haven't watched as much, however, there are a few shows that I really love that I try to watch without fail:

ER (yeah, it's a dinosaur, & it's on the way out this year, but it has been awesome)
Sex & the City (I am absolutely addicted to this show & while I never really dressed as trendily as those hot bitches did, I just adored it, although the movie left me a bit - unsatisfied)
Nip/Tuck (One of the most seriously funny, at times gory *surgery scenes*, shows going, & Dr Christian Troy is fucking hot!)
The L Word - (Sex & the City for women, I've definitely discovered the appeal of this sexy, hot show)
Will and Grace - (Seriously hilarious show, although at times, it's Jack & Karen who steal the show, all four of the characters together make this a very funny show)
The Cho Show - (Margaret Cho is sharply funny, & her tattoos look amazing)

Other honorable mentions would include: Saturday Night Live, Entertainment Tonight, Showbiz Tonight, Larry King Live, Nancy Grace, How it's Made, Live at the Rehersal Hall, Intervention

Moving on to foods, who doesn't love food? It's awesome & I definitely have my faves. My ultimate comfort food would be mac & cheese of course, but I also have my special mashed potatoes, which, instead of boring sour cream, has Ranch Dressing it it. Yes I know it's probably loaded with calories & god knows what else, but I love it - And I guarantee that it. is. the. living. END! Other usual things would be chicken, salmon, pizza (with my usual toppings of mushrooms, black olives & green peppers-I never deviate from it either), pasta anything, chinese.

Favorite Things

2008-09-02T23:04:00.000-05:00

Everybody has favorite things, for me lately, finding happiness lately has been elusive, but there are a few things in life that really makes me happy & boosts my spirits, & I've been finding them wherever I can & holding on for dear life. For me these days, inanimate objects they may be, but they're also a bit of a lifeline to helping to improve my emotions. A few of my favorite things include:

This lady is such a classic, she's old school cool & sexy when sexy was classy!

I'm not sure what it is exactly about sharpie markers, but I SO love that they now come in a rainbow of colours! So exciting! The colours are so bright & cheery, how could you not love them!? Of course, my most favorite colour is the pink. Not the wussy baby pink, but the hotsy totsy bright, hot pink!

My baby, the big food mooch, Tom. Whenever there are things like, chicken or fish, ice cream or milk around, so is Tom. He regularly plops himself on the desk in front of my keyboard whenever I'm on the computer, fighting for attention for himself. The only way I can make him get off the desk is if, while he's sitting here, I smother him in kisses, that always makes him scoot! I may get annoyed with him, but he's the true love of my life.

As time goes on, I think, rather than spend any more time on the thing(s)/people that have made me sad for so long, I'm going to start switching my focus to more things that make me happy. It's ME time!

Moving On

2008-07-05T12:38:00.001-05:00

I know some of my last few blogs, barring the kd lang one, has been a bit of a downer but I promise to snap out of my malaise soon.

Why is moving on so bloody hard sometimes?

I find myself in a strange new postion that I haven't been in for at least two years. I recently loved a job I really liked, because I couldn't stand it anymore. It wasn't the same happy, awesome place it was when I started two years ago; & for the most part, I'm relieved to be out of a place that had become very toxic & negative.But part of me is so sad, leaving is bittersweet because people I worked with who I love dearly have come & long since gone, people that remained, well some were okay, others completely useless to me. And so here I am, in the uneviable position of being unemployed yet again - this sucks. Change has never been easy for me, I hate change, but much as I hate it, & try to resist it, I know that it's something I need to do or otherwise, I'll stand still & be stagnant which I also hate too.

So, today as I face unemployment for the time being, I'm going to try to focus on the positive & focus on my strengths, rather than my weaknesses.

I'm finding that music is such a conduit to my emotions as of late. It really does have that kind of effect on me. Much as I've come to like his music, I cannot listen to Dustin O'Halloran's music for very long, because it's so sad in places, it just makes me weep. Same thing with kd langs' music, I love her to death but jeez, she just sings the line, "A thin ice covers my soul, my body's frozen & my heart is cold, and so much about me is raw" & it just kills me, depending on the mood I happen to be in at the time.

I really hate feeling so damn sensitive. I hate having my emotions on my sleeve all the time, because aside from being exhausting, it's just a big pain in the arse. I really need to develop a tougher outer shell, I wish I knew how to do that without having to compromise myself. Thing is though, I feel myself becoming so much more cynical & bitter about things that have gone on in my life. Small doses of cynicism is great, but a lot does absolutely no good.

I really feel the need to reinvent myself in a lot of different ways. Most importantly, I would dearly LOVE to break out of working retail as a career because working retail sucks, sucks, SUCKS! It's really a zero respect kind of job, managers, well, certain kinds of people who are managers are out for themselves & don't care who they stomp on in the process. My grandmother, who I loved, worked retail for years, I really don't want to be like her in the "career" sort of way, I want to be better than that, I think I could be capable of something better than that, It's marginal at best. But for now, I'm stuck, however, I need to start movitating myself to get a plan together to make my life better, because I know I'm the only one who can do that. Look out for number 1, I think, in a way, sometimes, that's a better way of thinking about things.

But I digress, moving on can be so terrifying at times, & yet very liberating & in that respect, I do feel liberated at not having to deal any longer with stupid stuff that's gone on at my job for a long time. So onwards & upwards is about the only way to look at it. New job, new fresh start, new everything.

Questioning Life's Little Foibles

2008-06-26T09:08:00.001-05:00

Why is it that friends will sometimes come & go in & out of your life as quickly as they came in? I find it so frustrating sometimes that certain people that come to mean a great deal to you in such a short amount of time, will just disappear one day & not be a part of your life anymore. I find that so sad; my frienships mean everything to me. Friendships are an important part of one's life. When you can't talk to your family, you can talk to friends who offer totally unbiased opinions & perspectives of things that you might be dealing with that you can't otherwise rationally discuss with your family.

This is the case with my family. I love my parents to death, they are my solid rock & foundation, without them, I would be & have nothing, but I have to say that my dad is one of the most stubborn men on the face of the planet! He & to a certain extent my mother can definitely not fight fair at times - do all parents do that? They mean well & try to be objective, but in the process, they end up driving you up the wall, & sometimes when in the process of arguing with them, it can get downright ugly which only ends up breaking my heart, because the last thing I want to do is fight ith them. But as I say, when they fight, they fight dirty, they'll think nothing of the "we're not going to live forever" card, which is so galling! They single handedly manage to veer totally off the subject you may be arguing about at the time & just zap you with something really out of left field.

Then there are your friends. For example, friends you make at work, that you somehow manage to bond with & think that you'll be friends with forever. You hang out from time to time & share many laughs at work. Then something happens & one leaves, then another. You all pledge to keep in touch & all that jazz & yet, even though at first you do, eventually, they just fade away & one day you wonder what's become of them. Why do they do that? Why are these the ones that seem to come & go out of your life? Maybe I'm the one that has to get out & really get a life, even though I thought I already had one.

Life is a funny thing, because I think, unless you're a hermit, you never stop meeting & making new friends, it's just that you would really like to hang on to the good ones that you make.

The kd lang Experiences

2008-06-02T08:00:00.001-05:00

I have literally died & gone to kd lang heaven.

My week of expectation is now done, I've literally had my socks knocked off, I feel like my whole being has shifted, because I've now had the kd lang experience twice in one week. She is the absolute living end. It's been only a couple of days & I'm still thunderstruck by her. Having never seen her play live, I was really looking forward to this, kd has blown me away by her sheer, God given talent.

My first experience was at Hamilton Place, where, unfortunately I was up in the 1st balcony, which sightline wise, really wasn't completely horrible, but of course, the whole experience is completely different when you're actually down on the floor, then again, the sound of her voice travelling way up to the rafters & beyond made it all the more worth it, because kd's voice absolutely soars in the right atmosphere! Anyway, kd just did not disappoint; what amazes me is the fact that there is absolutely no difference between the cd's & her singing live, she's that exactly spot on. The sounds eminating out of her are just absolutely breath taking! I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just cannot stop raving about how amazing this woman is; my biggest regret being that I didn't get into her 8-9 years earlier, but better late than never! I went to the show with my cousin, who likes her too, although she's not quite as rabid a fan as I've become, hahah. So I decided I wanted to try to do the stage door, now nothing happened at this show, unfortunately, they closed the big garage door, so the few of us who waited, left disappointed. The good thing is, that I met up with a girl who would go with me to the Toronto show.

My facination with kd lang has gotten to the point where I impulsively bought two tickets from someone off the web who couldn't use the seats for the Toronto Massey Hall show. This was an opportunity I didn't want to miss, so I went for it. I am beyond thrilled that I did! So I headed off to the show, met up with Laura, & off we went. When we got to Massey, we were approached by scalpers who had two front row seats. For a split second, I was tempted, but Laura instantly begged & pleaded with me to do it; I was very unsure, having never bought scalper tickets before. Well, after hemming & hawing, & having the tickets checked to be sure they were the real thing, & even though I was very apprehensive, we went for it. Laura was ecstatic. I was tentatively excited. It would be a decision I would end up being thrilled to have done, because, even though the seats were over on the far right hand side, & we ended up sitting in front of speakers, being able to be that close to kd singing is an experience that I can barely verbalize properly. She would mostly favor the right side & centre of the stage, but at least twice, she'd come over towards us & all I could literally do is gasp & smile very broadly, & I swear, she did look directly at me for a second & smile, which I felt with every fibre of my being!

Laura had brought a bag of Godiva chocolate to give to kd at the stage, she told me to nudge her when the time came to give it to her. We had been told by a cute security guard that the best time to do it would be at the encore, when she comes to the edge of the stage to shake hands. So when the time did come, I gave Laura the signal to go for it. Now, I wasn't going to go up to the stage, I didn't think I'd have the nerve to do it, in the end, I went for it & was behind Laura when I put my hand up to kd, I think I remember looking up at her & saying thank you so much & smiling broadly. It was the most surreal moment for me, because she looked at me, smiling, took my hand & shook it. It was like an electrical impulse went right through me. What struck me the most was how soft her hand was! This woman, who plays guitar, has the most incredibly softest hands ever, I would love to know what her secret is. As I walked back to my seat, I was beyond thrilled; I could not stop smiling.

After the show,as we were leaving, the roadies were giving out guitar pics, a really nice man gave me one & Laura one, which was again another small thrill! We made our way to the stage door, for a 2nd attempt at trying to meet kd; Laura had gotten, very very briefly, to meet kd as she got in her car in London, but the moment had been someone tainted by another oddball of a person. When we got to the door, there were others there of course, & even a kd lang impersonator, which must seem so bizarre to her. Imagine looking into the face of someone who tries to go out of their way to look & sound exactly like you? We had been told to form a receiving line, & to behave ourselves, just be normal & don't mob kd. It was explained that she wouldn't pose with anyone, but we could take as many pictures as we wanted. Okay, be cool, check. Other people, probably record company people, came & went as we waited, by the time kd walked out, she was back in her street clothes, her geek glasses on which she pushed up to her forehead as she went from person to person.

As I waited & watched & tried to take a few pictures, I wondered what I was going to say & fumbled between my ticket stub & a postcard, trying to decide on what to get her to sign. In the end, I went with the ticket stub. As kd approached me, I can't remember if she even looked at me as I haned her the stub to sign, all I could literally say to her was to thank her again, & to tell her how in awe I am of her voice & talent. I didn't notice it then, but when I looked at the picture Laura took of me later, kd had a bit of a grin on her face, so it warms me to think I may have made her smile a bit, I hope.

As she went down the line, I watched this whole scene unfold & I have to say, she looked very tired & very spent, after all the effort she gave out to us in the theatre. Her stage persona was completely gone & she was very, very subdued. She spoke barely a single word, which of course I completely understood, because I knew instictively she was probably wanting to rest her vocal chords. Before we knew it, kd was in her car & off she went. It was such a huge thrill to be able to not only go to both of the shows, but to then have an opportunity to meet her was just the cherry on top of the really delicious hot fudge sundae that was the kd lang concerts!

It's been a very long time since I've had any reason to be that happy, & God knows I needed this. I think in the short space of time that I've gotten into kd's music, I've fallen & fallen hard; I think I'm glad I did, because having gotten & listened to all of her back catalogue, kd's music has really helped to get me through a really rotten period of my life. She really is one of the most amazing & treasured performers of our time, with a golden voice that is a gift from God.

Life as a Fish

2008-04-30T08:30:00.001-05:00

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about what I was going to blog about this morning, for some reason, it turns out that there was a reason I was going to blog about animals today, as the one below this blog attests to. I knew I was going to write about being a fish in a fish tank this morning, because sometimes I think how life would be so much easier & uncomplicated living in a huge fish tank with lots of other fish, or, out in the open ocean just going about your business. Now, I know that like everything, there is a natural order, where things come & go, things are born, things die, life goes on every day. But how simple would it be to be a fish in a fish tank, your only job just to be there to amuse & amaze the masses who come & stare at you from the other side of the thick glass. Unless something like a shark eats you,what could you possibly have to be afraid or or worry about?

His Name Was Ben

2008-04-30T08:05:00.001-05:00

He was my friends' dog, they live(d) out in Kelowna, BC. Anyway, got some sad news today in my Inbox, my friend had to put him down yesterday. He was a really old dog & I guess the time had come for Ben. He was such a good dog, the first time I met him, he was so excited & happy to meet a new human to play with. He always gave as good as he got back in return, he loved everyone.

Even though I didn't really know him for very long, I came to love him as much as my friend did. Although my friend & I haven't spoken very regularly for a while, I'm so glad she felt the need to let me know.

Up Early Again

2008-04-16T06:45:00.002-05:00

I'm finding myself awake far too early again today, I've always been such a light sleeper; so I got up & got onto the computer, as is my usual morning ritual, thankfully I have the day off. I dont' know what I have to say today, though it seems like I have a lot on my mind. I'm currently listening to the beautiful k.d. lang's voice, singing Close Your Eyes. I actually don't mind getting up really early in the morning, during the spring/summer, because it's so beautiful at this time of the year. I particularly love seeing the sun rise.

k.d., I have to say, has really done a lot lately to help me get my mind off of my friend, whom I've been alternatingly curing & missing to death. It's been such a painful seven months, since I last saw her. The fallout from our parting ways has been completely horrible for me. I've been on the verge of turning to anti depressants to help me get over my terrible sadness, until I realized what the side effects were, & I realized that I just didn't want to go there. Instead, I've found other distractions to help me keep my mind off of her.

I've been attempting to read a book by the Dahli Lama, called The Art of Happiness, which I really do want to get into, but it's a slow process so far. I'm hoping I'll get more into it as I go along. Other distractions I've been finding lately is getting into watching a show called The L Word. Yes, it's about lesbians, but it's a really well acted, well done show. It's been costing me a small fortune buying all the box sets of the seasons; so far, I've got season 1 & 2. There are at least five seasons up to now, although I don't know if season five is out yet. And then there's Nip/Tuck, I've started buying that show too, although I may not try to get all of those shows right now. I also picked up a Best of the Larry Sanders Show yesterday. That show is one of those rare ones that were so good, but for some stupid reason, was cancelled way before it's time. I think cd's & dvd's, when I find something I really want, are my biggest indulgence; some women spend fortunes on shoes, my thing is cd's & dvd's!

Every day is still an on going process for me, but so far, at least for today, it feels like a lot less of a struggle as it has been in the last few months, although I think it's still early on in my "recovery". I've shed a lot less tears this last week, I'm actually hoping that I'm all cried out but I have no doubt I'm sure that I'll probably shed a few more tears yet over my friend, who refuses to communicate with me. I'm doing my best to respect her wishes, but man, it's so hard, not being able to talk to her whenever I want. That's the painful part that if I allow myself to wallow too much in that, it'll destroy me. I can't let that happen. As I keep telling myself, nobody is worth that amount of grief when they've broken your heart into a million pieces.

Having something to look forward to really helps as well. While I won't be travelling anywhere anytime soon (I WISH!!!), I will have k.d. lang's concert at Hamilton Place to look forward to. I've never seen her perform live before, but I am so excited at the prospect of seeing her. And then there's the rest of the summer which should hopefully be fun & possibly eventful. Crowded House is coming in early may, unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to that show this time around, my $$$ situation is still recovering from recent car repairs & my Australia trip. Such is life however.

Earth Hour

2008-03-29T21:36:00.001-05:00

Well, did you turn off your lights? I did, I had my Ipod on & I danced around to k.d. lang, then read some magazines to candlelight. Shame on a few of my neighbours who didn't take part. Booooo! Hissssssss!

I hope it helped anyway.

Love's Great Ocean - k.d. lang

2008-03-24T01:00:00.002-05:00

I do so love this song by k.d. lang, it's so wonderfully dreamy, sensuous, dead sexy & beautiful. It makes me continue to still believe in love, which I so do long for. All that's contained in this song, the mood, the feeling, the languid dreamyness of it all, that's what I want, before I get too frickin' old to enjoy it. Please God, or fate or the universe. Please.

Loves great ocean
Came crashing down on me
Overflowing with
Possibility on me

Pull me under
Eternal wave
Pull me under
I promise Ill behave

Loves great ocean
Come sweeping over me
With this notion of
Positivity on me

Here in the ocean
The ocean of deep blue dreams
Im dreaming of you
Here is the ocean
The ocean Im longing to be
Streaming into

If anyone who's out there has never heard this song, do ALL that you can in your power to do so immediately. Pure bliss.

Turning My Head Inside Out

2008-03-23T17:55:00.000-05:00

For the last several days, I've been playing catch up with k.d. lang's back catalogue of albums. In short, I simply cannot believe what the hell I've been missing out on. So far, I am really seriously digging her Invincible Summer cd. It's very dreamy, & very reflective of a time when she was madly in love with the person she was with at the time. Her music is literally turning my head inside out, making me feel very dreamy - which is such a pisces thing, wistful,longing & very hyper for warmer climates again. So many "oh my god!!" moments, they're just tumbling out all over the place. I don't know what it is about music, but by God, when it gets ahold of me, it doesn't let go; it's making me want to run away to somewhere warm, it's like a shiny new crush & I tend to be rather passionate about my crushes. It doesn't hurt that k.d. is a rather handsome looking chick.

So the reason for this latest post is just this. What is it about k.d. langs' music that has turned me into a big blob of mush, her lyrics & melodies wash over me like a warm summer breeze hugging me, then again I guess I always have been a dreamer. It's making me feel like I want to go running along a beach by the ocean, to be in the first blush of love with someone, lord I live in such a dream world sometimes, but then, given the realities of "the real world" in which we live in, my dream world is a far more fun place to be, is it any wonder why I constantly have that wonderlust to run away? Not that my little area of the real world is all that bad, it's just not as exciting enough at the moment & I wish it was. Since I've returned from my trip it all just feels so mundane & boring, I desparately need more excitement in my life, more fun. I really would like to surround myself with like minded people, wish I knew where to find them.

I really love when music does that to me, that's why I love music so much, when somethng hits me, it gets into my bloodstream & into my soul & just tends to lift my spirits to a whole new level. Music is a great picker-upper for when you're feeling down or sad or whatever mood might strike you. They should prescribe music instead of drugs to cure people. Or am I just weird like that? I don't know.

Music That I Love

2008-03-20T00:55:00.000-05:00

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged here; with the exception of the blog I just added days ago, I figured it would be as good a time as any to start up again. I think I've discused music before, but I'm feeling all gushy again lately & feeling the need to talk about my ever changing musical tastes again.

Recently, when I was in Australia, along with a lot of other stuff I picked up, I also bought a requisite amount of cds that mostly, I can't get back home in Canada. One thing that I bought that for the most part, previously would've been out of left field for me is K.D. Lang's latest cd offering, Watershed. Now, I'm well aware of who she is, aware of the music that has been on the radio, I've always had an appreciation for it, altho I do admit to getting sick to death of Constant Craving for it's played-to-death dominance when it came out on the radio. However, since purchasing & listening to Watershed, I've in an instant changed my tune so to speak.

I've never really been a fan fan of K.D.'s before, but I am now, perminently. Watershed is an absolutely breath taking piece of work, K.D.'s voice is flawless & incredibly beautiful. The woman can sing like nobody's business. My God, she's just....A revelation to me. The richness & timber of her voice captivates me & just makes my heart swell. I love how she sounds, the way she holds her notes, the way she elongates a line, it's just like, WOW! Of all the songs on Watershed, my most favorite one is "Sunday", which, to my ears, is one of the most passionately, dead sexy, sultry songs I've ever heard. It's a major turn on to hear that song, makes me long to have someone to snuggle with in bed while listening to it.

I can't even tell you how much I love it when music or a song does that to me. That is the thing about music that really makes me feel giddy & happy & almost euphoric, weird as that must sound. When it moves me. Neil Finn's music has done that to me, in the same breath, so has Christina Aguliera, which I know must seem like a strange combination, but I just really appreciate anyone who can really belt out a song with such conviction & passion. Both K.D. & Christina can do that which amazes me. To have that kind of power with your voice & your lungs, to have that kind of talent is just something beautiful to behold. So of course, I'm making it my mission to play catch up with K.D.'s back catalogue, which in some cases, is proving that it'll be a challenge to find a lot of it. So far, I've got her latest, Watershed, I also found the absolutely excellent Hymns of the 49th Parallel & Shadowland, the rest of it, not sure how long it'll take, but I'm determinded to find them. Particularly Absolute Torch & Twang, which has the song Pulling in the Reins; I recall hearing that song around the time that album came out & fell in love with that song, for the way she just belted it out with absolute abandon, another "WOW" moment; who knew what that moment was to fortell.

Post Vacation Thoughts

2008-03-16T21:10:00.004-05:00

Well I've been back for a few days now, having returned from Australia late on Thursday night. The road back was a hell of a journey, 19 1/2 hours on planes all the way home, but it was so worth it.

So I've been finding myself feeling a bit melancholy; for some reason. The trip while great & fantastic, was only a bit disappointing on one small level, while there, I didn't really meet anyone of any significance in a love kind of way. Along the way during my trip, I'd be out walking around & seeing couples be all lovey-dovey with each other. At one point at Sydney Airport, waiting to go home, a couple sitting directly in front of me were pashing all over the place, making me want to barf. It wasn't that I didn't want to meet anyone, it's just that opportunities didn't seem to present themselves too much; and, travelling alone, I wasn't about to go out clubbing or bar hopping by myself.

Along the way, in my moments of quiet reflection, one question that constantly kept popping up in my head, over & over again was - when will it be my turn? When will I finally have a great love of my life to love & fawn over me? As much as I say that it doesn't really bother me & that I'm cool being single & on my own, there are times, when it really tests me, & I hate it. It's such a lonely feeling. It makes me want to just drown in the sometimes vast ocean of my tears.

The stuff that I went through with my friend in Kelowna,still sits raw, so close to ths surface, threatening to make me just lose myself in sadness. It's still that painful to think about letting it all go. I miss her tremendously; more than I ever thought I would,I miss working with her & laughing with her about silly, stupid stuff, enjoying each other's company, walking her dog.I miss her.

I think is going to be a long, slow arduously painful process, because of the nature of it's complexities. Many times, my friend has told me,look outside myself to find happiness elsewhere, because she won't/can't give that to me, to look within myself for happiness. Can someone please tell me how to go about this? Sometimes it feels physically impossible to find happiness, let alone just be happy. Some days are easier than others. Perhaps all I've done is just come home to the same old shit. They say that time heals all wounds, maybe I'm being impatient, I always have been impatient because when I want something, I usually want it immediately.

Sometimes it just doesn't seem to be getting any easier. As the days go on, I want to reach out to her, talk to her, only, she wants nothing to do with me. After everything we went through together, doesn't she understand how painful that is to me? After everything I supposedly meant to her? All it does is fill me up with "why's?". I don't think it's something that I'll ever begin to understand. Why did she come into my life? Why did we become friends? Why did we decide to cross that line that never should've been crossed? Why did everything have to go to shit between us? Why,why, why,why, why, WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?

My heart aches. God damn it.

The Insatiable Gossip Press

2008-01-24T08:09:00.000-05:00

The world is in mourning for the untimely passing of Heath Ledger, which came as an incredibly shocking news story on the drive home from work the other day. It's so sad, that he passed away at the age of 28, soundbites are coming in from everywhere, every day there's some new picture of "the scene" outside of his apartment, but it's the latest ones that disturb the most. Michelle Williams, his grieving ex arriving back home from overseas with their beautiful daughter Matlida Rose, & everyone just has to get the exclusive snap of her grieving face. It just disgusts me that just because they happen to be celebrities, it's assumed that they've given up their right to mourn in private. The paparazzi & press, they wait there like a pack of vultures waiting to pounce, & it's just despicable.

Society has become more & more celebrity obsessed, we've all become so blood thirsty to see every single detail of their lives picked apart, I'd willingly bet that not one single average "non-celebrity/famous person" would be able to withstand the kind of scrutiny that these people face. I couldn't imagine, the very second I would walk out the front door of my home, being confronted by some camera welding jerk, demanding that I pose over the shoulder, or look this way or that. Makes me think that maybe Sean Penn wasn't so bad for trying to beat the snot out of the photogs who got a bit too close to him.

I am among those who for years have been celebrity obsessed, I willingly admit this, however, & maybe it's because I'm getting older or something, but, over the last, I'd say maybe 5-10 years, they type of photographs & stories coming out of Hollyweird have been a lot more graphic, a lot more salacious, & a lot more disturbing. There have been many utterly stupid panyt-less crotch shots, boob shots, cock shots, which leads me to ask in my head, do any of these people have any sense of themselves when they walk out the door or get up out of the car or are they just absolutely stupid? And why is it that I still find it so compelling & attractive? It's like a drug, in fact, I'd say it's like my crack cocaine, I am totally hooked on it, despite the fact that I am getting more & more disgusted by what I see. It's like the car/train wreck that you just can't avert your eyes from.

I guess the thing is is that I'll have to consider making a break from it, but is that even possible? How do you even escape from all of that noise & junk? Unless you just force yourself to go outside (too cold right now) & get away from the tv & the radio & the computer? Maybe I just need to do like a friend of mine does, maybe I just need a cookie & a nap?

28 Days to Go!

2008-01-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

Well it's finally starting to set it, that after almost three long years of working & slogging hard at the jobs I've had in that time, the trip of a lifetime is almost upon me! My dream trip to Australia is 28 days away, & I'm going to have to start pinching myself to really realize that I'm going.

In that time, I hope to do a little bonding with my brother, who sadly, as much as I love him, I'm just not close to, because we're two vastly different people. But I'm looking forward to seeing my brother again, & meeting up with friends there, I want to pack in as much as I possibly can in the six weeks that I'll be there. I want to experience as much as I can, I want to hold & hug a koala, which incidentally are not bears at all! I would love to get up & close to a dolphin, maybe even swim with one, but I'll have to see about that. I want to check out the awesome bands that I've heard about, see amazing sunsets & take a zillion pictures & see beautiful sunsets. I hope to also learn a bit about myself along the way, & grow a bit.

I want to not be scared to discover new things, I think it'll be exciting to have new experiences. To see things for the first time with my own two eyes will be a really cool thing.

I'm also aware that I'm going to sweat my butt off, because currently, it's hot, hot, hot, which I think would suit me fine, given that right now, well, up to now, we've been in a deep freeze. But that's okay, because I am most definitely a spring/summer person, I hate winter.

So, it's now down to 28 days before I go, I'm not feeling so down as much now about the major drama that had been threatening to swallow me whole for the last three months. The pain of that situation is still there, I think it will be for a while yet, it's just a bit more muted at the moment.

28 days...AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

Love is a Bitter Pill to Swallow

2007-12-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

Love should be a really wonderful thing. It probably is for most people,I really don't know if it is for me. The very all-too-brief "thing" I went through recently has convinced me of this I think. What I know is, love, falling in love & being in love with someone should never be this difficult. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Love is just one of the most confusing, confounding, irritating,most maddening things in the world to me. For some reason, I seem to always fail at it so spectacularly. When it goes bad, it just makes you feel bitter & sad.

For those reasons, I think I've made a decision to just give up on it altogether. Of course I may end up changing my mind about it, I probably will, but for now, I think I'm just going to put my heart into retirement, because what's become obvious to me is, the people I seem to attract, when I fall for them, appear to think that I'm good enough to have fun with for a little while, but God forbid if it gets too serious, because otherwise I start to get the same old speech, "I'm not the one for you, I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved". Yep, gotta love that, it's a real kick in the teeth.

The thing that I really hate is, I can feel the bitterness ooze through every pore of my being. I know in my heart that I'm not really like this. I don't want to feel so bitter & jaded about love, because love should be a wonderful thing. It should fill your life & your heart with joy, it should make you live your life with joy & happiness. But I just don't think it's a wonderful thing for me because every single time I fall in love with someone, or think I do, I always end up getting the short end of the stick. It's not fair! In fact, it really sucks. So that's why I'm thinking of packing in my heart, because frankly, I have no faith in love at all. I've always had hope & faith in love, I've always believed it when I've been told ""the one" is out there just waiting for you". Well I just don't know if I have the strength to believe that anymore. It's just to friggin' hard.

I'll always believe in love for family, for friends, for cousins & cousin's kids, & friends' kids, & pets & animals of course, but love in the context of a partner-relationship? Nope, I'm done with that. I know it's not a popular stance to have, & it probably sounds really self indulgent & self pitying & whatever, but frankly right now, I just don't care. Love does not exist for me. I do love myself, but not enough to subject my heart to another bruising round of "you're good enough to mess around with but I can't love you the way you want to be loved". Nope, just can't do it anymore.

A friend of mine told me once that I should live my life with joy, to find joy in simple things. Right now, joy is just in really short supply in the orbit of my life, but I really hope it comes back because I really don't want to live like this. Maybe it'll come back when I least expect it to.

I Love These!

2007-12-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

Ny friend Karen, thank you Karen, turned me on to these flowers, they're SO gorgeous! And, if memory serves, they smell beautiful too. If I ever get brave enough to get another tattoo, or add to the one I already have, this is definitely what I would get. The beauty of these flowers just knocks my socks off!

53 Days to Go

2007-12-10T10:07:00.000-05:00

Until Australia. There will be a new travel blog/journal thing coming in January, so that anyone who'd like to can follow along on my adventure, I'll do my best to keep it up.

73 Days and Counting!

2007-11-19T22:36:00.000-05:00

73 days until I leave for Australia! Wow, it's not long now, & yet, it feels as if it's taken forever to get to this point. For the longest time, it's all that I've thought about, dreamt about, talked about. I've worked hard for the last 3-4 years saving up for this hard earned trip; in the last little while though, my enthusiasm & excitement for it has taken a slight beating. It's been really difficult, but I'm slowly getting the excitement & anticipation back for what will be a really big, epic trip for me, it's a bit scary & daunting, but mostly exciting for me I think.

I can't wait to get there & skip out on our usually freezing cold winter this year! I am going to go with the full anticipation of lots of good times, & amazing experiences. 73 days to go, woo hoo!!

Life Goes On, Even When it Sucks Sometimes

2007-11-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

Well I guess it is true that time heals all wounds. I can't say that I'm completely there yet, but I am feeling that I'm starting to be in a much better head space than I was even two weeks ago. Almost normal again. I can pretty much say that three weeks of constant, inconsolable bawling my eyes out are over, which was completely horrible & emotionally exhausting. I hated being in that frame of mind. Altho now I think that I've moved onto the angry stage at this point. Angry that my friend has declared that it would be best to make a clean break & not speak to each other for a while. That hurts so much. I hate so called "clean breaks", because there's nothing clean about fucking with someone's head & heart & leaving them an emotional wreck! I'm still feeling very sad about the way things turned out, although not as much.

At the same time, there is a rational part of me that understands. Somewhat. I miss my friend so much, I miss that my friend is not physically in my life anymore now, because they're 3000km's away. I know that we'll remain friends though, because for me, there's no other way of looking at that. I want my friend in my life, & I'm not willing to close the door on that entirely.

Broken But Hopefully Mended Soon

2007-11-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

A broken heart is just such a damn stupid thing to have, it well & truly sucks! I've been dealing with this since October 20th, struggling to get over this misery. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, because it's so tiring & exhausting, & saps you of your energy & enthusiasm, it robs you of joy & happiness.

All the best laid plans that had initially been talked about now gone, no moving to Kelowna anytime soon, if ever. A friendship that had started off so promisingly, will hopefully survive unscathed from the fallout of this shitstorm I've found myself in.

I've been reading the book "The Secret" recently. It seems to be all about the power of positive thinking & the Universe & what you put out into it & all that. My initial impressions of this book was that it's a bunch of hooey. But I am trying to pick & choose bits & pieces of it to try to cling to, to believe in. To try to regain my sense of self & try to see if I can love myself once again, because right now, my psyche is taking a real beating. I feel so lost at times, I'm just hoping that I'll be able to find myself once again, soon actually because I have my next big adventure coming up at the end of January, to Australia, & I do not want to be feeling way down in the dumps by then still.

Why is it when one is in the throes of self inflicted misery, that you lay around, feeling down in the dumps, analyzing over & over what went wrong? I am trying not to continue to dwell on things that I cannot change, but it seems to have affected me a lot more than I'd ever expected. WTF indeed.

As far as believing in love still, I do so want to, but I just can not keep going through this every single time someone new comes into my life. My belief in love is seriously coming into question at this time. All those sayings that are out there, "it's better to have loved & lost than to have not loved at all", "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" are a bit tough to have faith in lately.

Blog Life

2007-10-09T07:08:00.000-05:00

I started out to begin a new blog post this morning, sure of what I was going to write about, but all of the sudden, I'm finding myself clamming up, unsure of what to say or how to say it. I sometimes find blogging to be a double edged sword, wanting to reveal a bit of personal stuff about me, & yet not wanting to go too far, because this is the WWW after all. Then there's the other, more superficial stuff I like to blah-blah-blah about, pop culture, music, stupid celebrities. I could go on about how ridiculous all that stuff is for days. It wouldn't be too interesting though, besides which, I have no idea if anyone even reads what I write anyway.

So, I've got six days to go until I'm off to BC for six days. I'm very excited & anxious to see my friend. I have no idea how it's going to go, but I'm planning to be hopeful. Hopeful that my friend & I will come to the mutual decision that yes, I will move out there when I get back from Australia. I want to so much, work, such as it is, is motivating me more & more every day, because I just don't want to be there anymore, it's not the fun place it once was, it's just gotten too weird. So many of my favorite people aren't there anymore, & the ones who are there are just too green to know any better yet.

I'm so looking forward to this six day trip out to BC, I really can't wait to see it, as I've never been to BC before. I keep hearing really great things about the place, I'm really hoping that I'll like it enough to want to live there, at least for a little while anyway. Life is really exciting & scary sometimes. I realize that I probably should've done this a long, long time ago, but I think for a long time fear has kept me here, which is so not a good thing at all. As I've gotten older, I've ocme to realize that you have to shit or get off the pot, & so it's with a lot of trepidation, but confidence (somewhat) that I'm heading off for my first major trip alone to Australia. Somehow, I'm hoping, if I can survive that, maybe I'll be able to survive living across the country from my parents. I'm well aware that there will more than likely be bumps in the road, I just hope I'll be able to deal with whatever roadblocks come along.

In the meantime, I keep this line running in my head, when I feel I'm about to panic: Keep Calm and Carry On

Keep Calm and Carry On

2007-10-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

I think I really need to find a way to hardwire that phrase into my brain, because I am recognizing that I complain too damn much about too many damn things. I'm quite certain that everyone who knows me is sick to death of me, hell, even I am sick to death of me (at the moment anyway).

Keep Calm and Carry On
Keep Calm and Carry On
Keep Calm and Carry On

This comic strip, Mutts, makes me smile every day. Very much in the same vein as the Peanuts strip, every day, it says something to make me smile, giggle & ponder.

The Universe is Not Fair Sometimes

2007-10-01T09:02:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to be angry at the universe? Is it possible to one day not go into work & within say, twenty minutes become so angry that you question why you bother doing anything the whole day?

In my case, yesterday at work, as I was working my stock, I became hot & sweaty & so pissed off, because the damn aweful bristle mats were so heavy, trying to heave them up an industrial ladder by myself,so that I could put them on a high shelf.I realize I probably could've asked for help from one of the other people working, but it would've taken them away from what they were doing, & frankly, I have some stupid, stubborn pride that I could do it myself. They're hateful things these mats, & yet, I think they must serve some purpose, since we sell so many of them. Still, they're a pain in the ass to deal with, because if you're not careful you're liable to get splinters in your fingers.

I was fairly busy throughout the day, so I never went back to the rugs section until an hour before we closed. I just about died. I was absolutely livid when I saw what I saw. There, sitting in a heap on top of a display of straw mats, where a pile of very heavy Bali rungs. I looked around & there wasn't a single shelf that wasn't left untouched. The whole section looked wrecked. This is when I thought to myself, "this is completely unfair", this is when I got angry with the universe, thinking to myself, in what world does it give a person a right to come into a store & leave an utter wreck in their wake????

And so it went, I set about making it all nice & neat again, but oh was I mad. I was so frustrated & at the end of my rope, that for the first time in a couple of weeks, I actually shed a few hot, angry, frustrated tears again for a minute, before I made myself stop. All I could do is curse under my breath & get on with it. I know that after all these years of working in retail, I should be used to it, but I will never, ever get used to this. To me, it's just bloody common sense! It's common courtesy. None of which, I realize, exist anymore. It's really sad to say but really, things like common courtesy, common sense, manners,respect & consideration for your fellow man or woman, just does not exist anymore & I find that so sad & appalling.

There are times when I really hate working in retail, & wonder if there were anything else I could do for a living. I wish I knew, because I'm not getting any younger. One of my managers told me something the other day that was so true. He said that at one time, working in a grocery store or a retail store was respectable, but not anymore. Nowadays, your more likely to get spit on, bitched at, threatened, assaulted with product, cursed at than anything else. And I know it works both ways. At the beginning of my day, I never start out to be anything but courteous & helpful to my customers, I will do anything I can to make them happy. But by mid day, when I'm re-packaging the 12th opened curtain panel left callously in a heap, I'm really not feeling all that helpful anymore. I feel very short tempered by the end of the day, particularly if I've been working for 4-5 days in a row.

Looking ahead, I only have five months to go before I leave on my big Australia trip that I've worked so hard for. I really can't wait to go. Before that trip though, I have another one to look forward to this month, when I go out to Kelowna BC for six days to see my friend. That I'm very anxious for. I know my friend is anxious to see me too. Lots of good things on the horizon.

Strange Days

2007-09-29T06:02:00.000-05:00

It's been ages since I've blogged, I guess it's been ages since I've had anything remotely interesting to say I guess. Work has been insane for the last couple of months, & really really busy the last few weeks, now that we're putting Christmas crap out already! Sick.

I've been finding myself alternately bored to death & obsessed with the net lately. I go to the same old places, some of which I still love (OTS), some of which I'm bored to death with (RNL), oh, & then there are the gossip websites which I love, TMZ & Perez Hilton the most. I really want to understand what it is with the stupid paparazzi, that they insist on following that train wreck Britney Spears around doing the most stupidly mundain things, & flashing blindingly bright high powered flashbulbs in her face? Sometimes these jackals get caught on camera & it really is a sight to see, a whole pack of 7-8 guys with big cameras or video recorders in their hands snapping away like hungry dogs! Is it really any wonder that Britney is as messed up as she is?

Then, once I've gotten done looking at that stuff, I continue to contemplate my life, my upcoming Australia trip, the possible move out to BC which I'm still hoping desparately comes to fruition. I know it's going to be a huge thing, moving out of the home I've had for many years but the time (and opportunity) has come & the time is now. I'm not kidding myself, I'm sure it's not going to be all wonderful right off the bat, but at the same time, I hope the transition won't be too painful.

For the last month, I've been having a passionate affair with a jar of Nutella. My God whoever invented that stuff was brilliant. That stuff is dangerously delicious. I also know that it's an aquired taste for some. But it's a love-hate thing for me, because I know if I eat too much of it, I'll be in so much trouble, so it's a once in a blue moon type of affair.

Actually, here's something totally random. As I'm sitting here, I'm listening to some radio station, & they have the usual, copious amounts of radio ads playing. One that catches my ear is for some contest & they're explaining the contest rules & such. One line that really stands out for me is something about having to answer a skill testing question, almost always a math question, if you've won. Those sorts of things strike a fear in me like no other, because I so badly suck at math & usually, you're supposed to answer these "skill" testing questions without the aid of a calculator! It really makes me wonder why having a skill testing question is really nessessary if you've supposedly already won a contest? I know that they're a standard thing in a lot of constests, but why? What's the point of having a contest that perhaps you win & then they go on to testing you further in order to ensure that you really are the winner? I think these skill testing questions really ought to be eliminated, because to me, they make no sense at all & are totally pointless. If you've won something, that should be it, you win such-in-such, here you go, congratulations, shake your hand, take a picture, that's it, the end & off you go!

Well look at that, I guess I did have a few things on my mind. Til next time.

Looking to the Future

2007-08-25T23:08:00.000-05:00

Well, the decision has been made, I'm going to go for it & move myself to Kelowna, BC at some point in the coming near future. First things first though, I have to get my Australa trip out of my system. Altho my friend & I would like it if I could come out there sooner, rather than later, it just became too complicated to switch flight details already booked. Crap!! Being away from my friend really sucks, we both miss each other terribly, but I've decided that I'm ultimately following my heart. I'm so happy about this, for the first time in my life & it's an amazing feeling.

Still, I'll be heading out to Kelowna in October to visit & see what it's like out there, I'm so excited about that, because I'll be seeing my sweet, beautiful, blue eyed friend again. And my former (but soon to be again) manager at the store where I'll be working at. I can't wait to see them both again very soon.

Huge changes are under way in my life, part of me can't believe I'm actually doing this & is scared shitless, because this is a really big life change. Getting used to a whole new province, new surroundings & locations, new people, that's such a freaky thing. On the other hand, this is potentially a tremendously amazing journey I'm about to embark on, I won't be completely alone, I'll be among friends, with my manager & my friend who I care for very much & my friend feels the same about me. That's definitely something to be excited about.

Life is Beautiful, Yet Crazy

2007-08-16T09:45:00.000-05:00

Well, life here is rolling on, altho lately it's been a bit more complicated than usual. I've definitely made a few more decisions about my life, the only thing putting a crimp into it is my trip to Australia.

Altho we're still having on going discussions about it, for now, my friend & I have decided that I'll come & visit in October, I think, then coming home til I go on my trip, go do that, come home, & them move out to BC. It just seems to make more sense that way for now. It just got far too complicated with trying to change flight details & things, it's very restrictive when flying out on special fares. Still, I'll have something great to look forward to when I come home & then leave home. Part of my problem is is that I am feeling really impatient. There is a really big part of me that wants/needs to be out there right now. But I know it's not time yet, everything should hopefully fall into place all in good time. Patience has never been one of my strong suits, it's definitely something I need to work on. As my friend says, the universe will take care of us, I just have to have faith in that.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?????

2007-08-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to do. I woke up feeling really conflicted about what I should be doing in my life. Where I should be. I feel like the wonderful job I started a year ago is so not great a year later, because of all the changes that have occured in the last six months. But this begs the question, where do I go from here? Do I go & find another job here now, or, should I go out to BC & find another job there? What, other than my parents, do I have holding me here?

Maybe I'm kidding myself, thinking that everything would just fall into place if I were to move out to BC. I am well aware of the fact that there will be a period of adjustment, which is just common sense for pete's sake. I feel as though I'm at a crossroads of my life, & I'm just not sure what to do. Nobody can tell me what to do but me, this I know.

The more I think about all of this, the more questions that come up in my mind. As close as I am to my parents, would I be able to live away from them, away from the safety net of their care & comfort? Do I stay here & be sad because I miss my friend, & be in the same rut that I've always found myself in, or, do I go to BC, & be sad & wistful & a bit home sick for awhile, while getting my bearings to my new surroundings & eventually come to love my new surroundings?

Lately I'm finding I have more questions than answers. This sucks.

Major Life Changes

2007-08-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately & the direction it's going in at the moment. I still like my job where I am, at least I think I do, but I have to say it's been really rough for the last six months, & even moreso in the last week or two, since someone I've become very close to left to go out to Kelowna BC. In fact, I've been thinking a lot lately about the possibility of moving out to Kelowna to follow my friend. It's a scary thought, a huge change in my life at this point in my life, during middle age. At the same time though, I have to think that the time has maybe come that I have to do this, because I just can't keep living with my parents forever.

I know at least I'd have a place to live, with my friend, so I wouldn't need to worry about that anyway. But there would be other expenses of course, & finding a job, which, according to her seems to be plentiful out there. Well we'll see about that, but for the time being, before I go jumping into anything, I'm thinking about it a lot. The first thing I need to get out of my system is my trip to Australia, coming up next February & March. After I get back though, I'm really going to have to dig down to figure out, if I do move out to BC, the sheer cost of doing so. Which will be exorbitantly expensive, particularly since I don't really have a pot to piss in practically.

I really do feel that this is a whole new, different chapter in my life, a new twist & turn. It's really funny how life goes sometimes, you think you're going one way down the road of life & then it takes an unexpected U turn. I don't really know at this point where I'm going to be by the end of this year, but, as scary as it feels to possibly be considering moving to another province & starting a new life there, there's something in me that would really like to try it & see what happens, because I know I could always come back to Ontario again.

My Top 12 Favorite Movies

2007-07-29T09:06:00.000-05:00

Since I've been tagged by Karen, I present for you, my top 12 favorite movies in no particular order.

1. Steel Magnolias - Women bonding, it's such a fantastic movie, with lots of fantastic actresses. The scene in the beauty shop where Julia Robert's Shelby has her seizure, sealed it for me, it made me cry.

2. Sleepless in Seattle - The premise was funny, dreamy & so romantic. The soundtrack was beautiful. It made me want to fall in love with Tom Hanks

3. Hairspray - The original version, not the latest, "Hollywood-ised" version. The John Waters movie was funny, deliciously campy & entertaining.

4. Walk the Line - Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon as Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash were both brilliant in this film. Both played their characters brilliantly, the storyline of John & June's enduring love story compelling.

5. A Time to Kill - Matthew McConaughey & Sandra Bullock were in this compelling movie, it was so tense, it kept you on the edge of your seat. A lawyer and his assistant fighting to save a father on trial for murder. A time to question what they believe. A time to doubt what they trust. And no time for mistakes.(Description from IMDB)

6. Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood - Again, so many amazing actresses in this movie, Sandra Bullock & Ashley Judd are amazing, as is Ellen Burstyn & Maggie Smith. This period piece flashes back between modern & older times in the South. A beautifully told story.

7. The Notebook - Another beautifully, sweetly told romantic love story of an enduring love between two people. It moves between the past & the present. This is one movie that if it doesn't make you really believe in love, then there's something wrong with you.

8. Shawshank Redemption - An incredibly compelling movie, sometimes hard to watch, but it keeps you rooting for the main character, Andy Dufresne for all the hardship he endures in prison.

9. West Side Story - The story of the Sharks & the Jets, & the love between Tony & Maria was so brilliantly done in this movie. So many terrific songs. If only gang warfar was like that instead of what really goes on today.

10. Austin Powers- Man of Mystery & Spy Who Shagged Me - Of the three Austin Powers' movies, I liked the first two the best. Both were hysterically funny, the third, not so much, just because it started to delve just a bit into gross toilet humour, which was so not appealling. Mike Myers is a fantastic comedic actor - And, he's CANADIAN to boot!

11. Thelma and Louise - Another compelling female buddy movie, what starts out as a fun road trip, turns into a desparate, nightmare situation. Always keeps you rooting for Thelma & Louise.

12. Legally Blonde - Reese Witherspoon is another favorite actress, & she's so cute in this very light hearted movie, she plays Elle Woods to perfection in this movie.

I tag Annie next :-D

Hard Lesson Learned

2007-07-20T08:41:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a full six months, & to this day, I've never gotten a single cent of what I was owed from a certain person for the purchase of two of my beautiful necklaces. Of the two people who did ask for them, only one person paid, in a very timely manner. Not the other one though. The other one with the criminal record. Once a con, always a con I guess. I guess I should've known better than to trust someone over the net. I have to say though, that she's been the only black spot on an otherwise good experience selling my necklaces. All I can hope for is that one day, her conscience will one day get the better of her.

These are the necklaces in question:

The person who bought these neckalces, bought one for her friend, this friend had the gall to call the pink one tacky, not outright, but I knew damn well what she was referring to...Whatever, considering the small mindedness of both of these jerks, I just let that one go. The total cost I'm out, including postage, amounted to $66.60.

Lesson learned.

Weather, Food, Weight, People, Stuff

2007-07-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

The weather's been rather strange lately, one minute it's been blazing hot, with unbearable humidity, the next, like today, has been cool & rainy, but humid. I am so not even remotely ready for cold weather yet, so the heat just better keep on coming.

When I get home from work, I really love to come home & chill out, it's great, I'll eat in front of my keyboard any chance I get, & tonight was great, I had ribs & a baked potato. Actually, I love eating anytime for the most part, but one thing I've noticed for the last little while that I don't like is, whenever I finish eating, my fingers get really cold, like freezing cold, as well as the palms of my hands, for a good 10 minutes. That's really freaky to me, because I know it's related to circulation, which sucks. It's one of the many things cropping up that I hate about getting older, because everything creaks & cracks, & oy, the aches & pains! I know I need to really get serious about taking better care of myself, it's just that me & exercise have long been at odds with each other. The stupid thing is, I can see, in my mind, doing all kinds of great exercise, but actually doing it is another matter entirely.

Speaking of stupid. Hahahah. I really have to say that I have a very low tolerance for stupidity. Working at the store, I see it every single solitary day. People will wander into my section, actually have a look at the display wall of drapery, & turn to me & actually say, "Now where can I find this panel?" It takes every ounce of strength in my face not to look at people like, "ummm, hellooooo! What section do you think you're in????" Or they'll ask me about some other product which clearly wouldn't be in my section at all, it's silly really, because maybe people would notice more if they'd just look around at where they are within the store, but they never do.

People usually don't (want to) look further than at the end of their noses. It's the drudgery of working retail that really gets discouraging at times, whether it's constantly cleaning up after the slobs who come into the store, or answering inane questions, it just gets unbearable at times. I would say that 90% of my job basically involves cleaning up, all day every day, with 10% for actually putting stock out, the other 10% for doing orders/rearranging crates/bins, arranging displays & changing signs & labels, on top of dealing with customers & doing at least part of the shift working on the til. Such is my life in retail.

So, in about 7 months or so, I'm finally going to get to Australia, finally. I've been wanting to go for years, been saving for the last four years, & now, it's finally coming to fruition, I'm very excited, I can't wait. Although now, I also have the added bonus of also going to see British Columbia at the tail end of my trip as well. I'll be going out to visit my former manager there. I've missed her since she left, she is hands down, the finest, most excellent manager I've had the pleasure of working for. It'll be so good to see her again.

My Blog is PG

2007-07-09T07:42:00.000-05:00

Thanx to Subtleknife, I went & checked out what my blog is rated....Too funny!

Maybe I should try & be more controversial, altho I'm not sure what I could be controversial about, heheheh. :-D

Life in the Trenches

2007-07-09T07:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, working in retail really sucks majorly. When I first started my job, I instantly fell in love with it, it's really been a fantastic job & I've loved doing it. Lately though, I've really begun hating it, specifically hating some of my customers. There was an incident at work yesterday, upon reflection & having a good long think about it, I have to admit I probably could've handled myself a bit better than I did. Yesterday though, I felt pushed to the limit.

I happened past an isle in my section when I saw the same scene I see so many times a day, a young couple holding up yet another open curtain panel. Instantly seeing red again, but attempting to hold off my temper, I smiled at them & told them that we actually have displays up on the way & pointed them in that direction, I then said to them, to let me take the curtain panel & fold it up for them & took it out of their hands. As I turned & walked away, the young snotty chick said sorry in an extremely sarcastic, not even remotely sincere way. Now here's where I didn't handle it well. Ordinarily, I would've just walked away & vented quietly to myself if she had been nice about it. But under my breath, & because I just can't help myself when I've been bullshitted, I said, under my breath but loud enough for her to hear, "no, actually, I don't think you are at all" as I walked around to the next isle.

It only gets worse from there. After leaving the curtain panel on a crate where I would once again fold & repackage it, I heard the little craphead say, "it's what you get paid for", to which I again mumbled, "do you have any idea how many times a day I do this?"; she asked me to repeat it, at first I said nevermind, she asked me again to repeat it, so I did, again, she said it again, it's what you get paid for, I replied that that wasn't the point, I was SO TEMPTED to say at this point, that it wasn't the point that I get paid to do that & clean up after slobs like you - I didn't though, that really would've made it worse. So, she again said "it's what you get paid for you fucking bitch" & off she walked.

Oh no she didn't just say what I think she said!?!?!?!?!?!? Unfortunately, yes, she did. So, I immediately walked off to find my manager, soon as I did, I told him to come with me, & I pointed out the craphead & told him in front of her what she called me, craphead immediately yelled that I was rude to her, pointing her bony finger at the same time, I said back to her that no, I was not, & I walked away, leaving my manager to deal with her, I'd had enough. I walked into the warehouse, & smacked my hand on the top of a box, I was just livid. One of the warehouse guys jokingly asked me to take that box out on the floor, I think I said to him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. hahahah. I apologized to him later, at the end of the day. I then went into the lunch room & proceeded to hyperventilate, trying to calm down.

When my manager came in to speak to me, by that time I was crying my eyes out, so upset, & I proceeded to vent to him about this person, once I could speak, hahah. I said to him that I wasn't sorry about how I handled it, that I wasn't rude to her, & that I don't get paid to be called a fucking bitch. Luckily for me, my manager has been there & done that for years, so he knew exactly how I was feeling.

Of course, there were other mitigating circumstances that lead to my meltdown. It's been so incredibly hot lately, & so humid in the store that it's almost unbearable. I also had a bunch of product that I was in the process of putting back on shelves, I was also getting really annoyed with a co-worker, who'd pissed me & another woman off from earlier in the day. So at the point of my blowup, the poor unfortunate dear who chose to push my buttons that day was the lucky recipient of my misplaced sarcasm.

It just gets incredibly frustrating when on a daily basis, I'd say I spend more than half of my time, when I'm not on til, simply cleaning, fluffing, refolding, putting back, repackaging constantly. Is it too much to ask for customers, when they come in to shop, to not be complete slobs? Is it too much to ask that they don't leave their Starbucks coffee cups in crates & on shelves or wherever the hell they see fit, because they're too lazy to actually throw it out in an actual garbage can? I seriously wouldn't dream of walking into a store & just trashing it. Unfortunately, this is what happens in our store day in & day out, every day. There are days when it is just so unbearably discouraging, especially because I truly do like my job. I will say though, that while we do have quite a few great customers, sadly, it's mostly only the Crapheads that leave a lasting impression. It's really crappy that we have some of the most incredibly slobby, piggy, disgusting shoppers ever.

Vacation All I Ever Wanted

2007-07-05T18:37:00.000-05:00

Aaaarrgggg! Trying to arrange this trip to Australia & Auckland New Zealand is proving to be a lot more challenging than I'd hoped it would be. It's starting to make me a bit crazy actually. I'm getting "advice" from all sides, & the only thing it's doing to me is just making me nuts......I know I'll work it out though, it's just a pain right now...

Love is a Battlefield

2007-06-30T07:13:00.000-05:00

Lately, I feel as though I am locked in a battle between my head & my heart.

My heart is threatening to make me lose myself completely.

Things I Am Greatful For

2007-06-29T07:48:00.000-05:00

Driving home last night, I saw the most glorious sunset, blazing colours of orange & pink up in the sky, it was so beautiful, I wish I could've taken a picture of it, but it'll remain in my mind....

I'm greatful for another beautiful summer day, greatful to be alive & breathing again

I'm greatful for when I look over at Tom, perched in his bed on the window ledge, in his "Diva" pose, snoozing happily

I am greatful for my friend Michelle, that she's in my life & makes me laugh every day

I'm greatful that today was payday & that I am able to pay off some of my bills, which are always fun until you have to pay them off!

I am greatful that I have about 8 months to go until I leave for Australia

I am greatful for the many terrific friends I have in my life

Happy Heart

2007-06-27T07:45:00.000-05:00

In my quietest of times, I find myself thinking of someone very dear to me. This person is on my mind constantly.

I have someone in my life who is literally changing my life, who is helping me to experience love in a whole new way. The emotions in me are just flowing like mad lately. Intensely. My heart feels full again. When I'm with this beautiful, special person, I'm happy as a clam, when we're not together, I feel miserable. But I'm always happy knowing that I'll see this person again very soon. This must be what love feels like. I'm not sure how we got on this track, but I'm glad that I'm there. I don't know where we're going, but I know that I am enjoying the journey.

Favorite Commercials

2007-06-20T07:40:00.000-05:00

Ordinarily, I almost always hate commercials on tv, they're intrusive, way too long, & uaually stupid. But, occationally, there are some that really stand out to me, that make me laugh; a couple lately that I've seen that have really made me giggle include the one for Nicorette, the stop smoking gum. There's a woman at a desk, being badgered by the ugly little nicotine troll, asking her if she's going to go out for a smoke. Cut to two of her co-workers who did go outside, the ad shows them standing out in some pretty wild elements, getting blown to bits by wind & rain. Debris flying on & past them, a ticket booth skimming past. That's pretty damn funny to me.

Another one that's good is the current Mastercard commercial. It shows a woman walking down 5th Avenue in New York City, she's shopping, a really cute version of Moon River is playing in the background, reminicent of Breakfast at Tiffany's, one of my favorite movies btw. The announcer announces that she's had a pedicure, the woman then goes in to get a pair of peep toe shoes to show off the pedi, then, she strolls past a window with a really cute dress, she emerges from the shop wearing the dress that goes with the peep toe pumps that shoes off the pedi. Then, she walks up to one of the windows of Tiffany, looks at a goregous, incredibly expensive necklace & rolls her eyes as the announcer says, "yeah right". What a cute commercial!

So I guess not all of them are bad. As much as I've liked the Geico gecko, I'm getting a little tired of him. I still like the Bell Expressview beavers, they're still a lot of fun, altho it still doesn't make me want to use the product. I think any time they use animals in commercials are pretty good, not so much people all the time. There haven't been many commercials that have made me cry. In fact, I can't think of one that ever has.

Musical Thoughts

2007-06-20T06:41:00.000-05:00

Ben Lee is not everyone's cup of tea I realize. But I had a chance to see him play a year or two ago & I really like him. He's sweet & peaceful, & loving & a gentle soul. Well he's completed a new album, which I think he'll be releasing some time soon in the very near future. I really can't wait, because I am anxiously looking forward to hearing what new tunes he's come up with.

I'm also looking ahead to August 13th, when I finally get to see Crowded House play once again after about 15 years. I'm still really annoyed at the absolutely disguting seats I ended up with, but, I'm going to go & I'll do my best to enjoy it despite that huge disappointment. It's really going to be good to see Neil, Nick & Mark again, along with new drummer Matt.

Sum Sum Summertime

2007-06-16T06:57:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged, guess I haven't had a whole lot to say lately. Just been busy working, work is making me a bit crazy, along w/ the heat, which can get really hard to work in when it's so damn hot. I fell off a step ladder the other day, which was so stupid, because I could've gotten really badly hurt, which would've been all I needed. I was lucky tho, not sure what I hit it on, but I managed to bruise up my forearm a bit, it's still pretty sore to the touch.

I got my tickets to see Crowded House in August, but remain bitterly disappointed at what I've ended up with, 3rd row from the back of the balcony - it totally sucks! I just hate Ticketmaster & the stupid cow who works at Sunrise Records, who showed up to work at a minute to 10, grrrr! But, I am determined to go & I'll try to still have a good time, but I will remain pissed off about the seat situation.

I'm growing ever so more fond of my friend, my wonderfully funny, caring beautiful friend. It really feels nice to care about someone again & feel close to someone. I love spending time w/ this person, who means the world to me.

I have to take another week's vacation this year. Not sure what I'll do or where I'll go.

Forks in the Road of Life

2007-05-28T21:40:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine asked me a question the other day. It's really gotten me thinking. She often does that; makes me think about things. I like that about her. In this case, it had to do with moving my life half way across to the other side of the country. It's the same area she's hoping to go to. The fact that it's inevitable that she's going is making me beyond sad. The fact that she's going is making me toy with the idea of following her there. Hence a fork in the road.

I've never thought, at least not since I was a teenager, about living anywhere else than where I am. I used to say, before I graduated high school, that I was going to go back & live in Toronto. Sadly, I never did.I used to hate Stoney Creek, to a teenager in the 80's, it was deadsville. It's funny but now, I couldn't actually just pick up tomorrow & say, that's it, I'm leaving. Everything I love is here, family, friends. Everything familiar & "safe" is here. Here is where my comfort zone is. And I know that it's not good in life to be too complacent about things, but, fear of the unknown & unfamiliar scares the bejesus out of me. I also know it's probably something I should've tried to do a lot sooner in life rather than later, but I can't change what once was. However, I can try to change what my futures' like, should I happen to get brave enough to consider changing it.

I have another friend, an online friend, & you know who you are, who's blog I follow religiously as well. She & her family have lived all over the place, mostly in the States but not long ago, made a huge overseas change & moved to Germany.It wasn't without a lot of challenges & a good hard dose of culture shock,but I'm still amazed that she was able to just pick up & do that, but they did, & they seem to be thriving quite well.

For me though, the questions of moving elsewhere, finally, really actually on my own, is frightening. I've never been able to support myself on my own before. It terrifies me, almost paralyzes me with fear. Because the inevitable questions pop up: where would I live, how would I afford to pay for anything,how would I be able to afford to feed myself & still have my computer & tv & everything familiar there that I currently have here? I would be so far out of my comfort zone, I think I'd almost feel crippled, but maybe that's my fear talking.

Change has always been something I've resisted. I've never liked it,I've always just preferred the familiar because it's safe & reliable.

I still have a two month (hopefully) trip to Australia & New Zealand to take, so I don't know whether or not I'll actually end up taking up my friends' challenge or not, but a couple of points she made to me makes complete sense. She's given me a lot to think about. Maybe, if I can make it on my own for the two months I'll be away, maybe I'll be able to be comfortable enough to think about actually living somewhere else.

Don't Even Know What to Call This

2007-05-27T00:09:00.000-05:00

Man am I restless tonight. I'm feeling a bit stir crazy. Been exchanging emails back & forth with a really good friend of mine tonight. She's been making me laugh & giving me lots of new things to think about. It's midnight & I don't want to go to bed yet, but I'm thoroughly bored w/ the WWW tonight. Listening to random tunes on Itunes. I feel like I want to get out & do something exciting, but I don't have a single person to go do anything exciting with. Going out alone just isn't an option. I feel so restless right now. I want to get out & scream & laugh & dance & giggle. Clearly, fun is something sorely lacking in my life. I'm a mess of emotions lately, up & down. I feel like I want to cry a lot. Someone dear to me is going to leave sometime in the near distant future & it's making me loopy. I wish she wouldn't go, but it's what she wants so that's it. I'm so happy she's a part of my life & someone I can call a friend. If you happen to read this friend, this is about you. Meeting you has changed my life. In a really good way.

Another Neil Finn Webcast!!!!

2007-05-25T10:18:00.000-05:00

Is there anything the man can't do??? Neil Finn is so brilliant, he's just launched his own world class recording studio, Roundhead, in Auckland, New Zealand. And to celebrate? He's done another webcast, with a whole slew of musicians, both locally known & famous. This is why I love him. He is absolutely brilliant!

And his studio is KICK ASS! Check it out here: http://www.roundheadstudios.com/

Long Live Neil Finn!! Oh, and, his brilliance lives on in sons Liam & Elroy Finn too.

The Fight

2007-05-24T09:11:00.000-05:00

Yiiiiiiikes! The fight between Rosie O'Donnell & Elisabeth Hasselbeck was so bad yesterday! It really was painful to watch, seeing them both have a go at each other, trying to get their points across. I like both of these women, for different reasons, but I have to side with Rosie for the most part, because while she may not always be someone I agree with, I think Elisabeth is hopelessly not seeing what's really out there about the war in Iraq. Nonetheless, it was really hard to watch them tear away at each other. Very sad. What's even worse is though, is that it's made the news everywhere, about Rosie's latest controversy. But, isn't that always the way the media spins it? Pretty much, they're always going to make her the bad guy. Kudos to Joy Behar for trying to defuse the situation though.

Here is the link to the fight, since I can't seem to figure out how to post the YouTube video here......If anyone knows how to, could you please let me know?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE_l8QYAWZM

*Oooooooooh how freaky is this? I'm posting this blog entry at exactly 9:11A.M. this morning :-D

Miss Lead Foot Strikes Again

2007-05-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! I got a speeding ticket today...Crap, crap, crap! At the very least, looking on the bright side, I didn't lose any points, still.......Like I needed that today????

Crowded House is Coming!!!!!

2007-05-15T07:54:00.000-05:00

Aaaaaaaahhhh!! They're finally going to make it to Canada again!! Yes! That's the good news.........The bad news? To me anyway, they're playing Toronto. Again. Why they can't see to come to Hamilton, I'll never know. Not that I can blame them I suppose, Hamilton just doesn't seem all that appealing I guess. And we get stuck with acts like, Rod (blech) Stewart. Oh well, doesn't matter, all I know is, Crowded House is coming & I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that I am there! Can't wait!

Travel Timelines

2007-05-10T09:06:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm into mid May almost, it's time to start putting a plan together for Australia next year, & I'm beginning to find that it's more of a conundrum than I thought. Specifically, about how much time I ultimately end up staying in each place. It's like a work in progess, at the very beginning. If anyone out there has any good travel advice, I absolutely welcome it.I will be going to four different places, Melbourne, Sydney, Newcastle & Brisbane, I've been debating between 2 weeks vs. 10-12 days & lately, I've been starting to think more towards the 10-12 days, rather than 2 whole weeks. What to do, what to do...

Musical Questionaire

2007-05-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

I lifted this questionaire from my friends' blog....Feel free try it out if care...

YOU ARE FEELING RANDY. LIST TWO SONGS YOU PLAY TO GET IN THE MOOD:
1. Let's Get it On - Al Green
2. Never Tear Us Apar - INXS

MAKE UP THREE CREATIVE NAMES FOR A NEW ROCK BAND:
1. The Electric Prunes (that one always makes me laugh out loud!)
2. Neil Finn & the Kiwi's of Kool/ Recurring Dream
3. Sanctuary

LIST FOUR SENTENCES RELATING TO MUSIC THAT YOU’VE NEVER SAID BEFORE:
1. I would like, totally pay to go see Avril Lavigne
2. I really love death metal music, it's so good!
3. I'd really love to see an Opera
4. Let's go to a country bar

LIST FIVE SONG TITLES THAT DESCRIBE HOW YOU’VE FELT THIS WEEK:
1. Twisted Logic - Coldplay
2. Love is a Losing Game - Amy Winehouse
3. Helpless - CSNY
4. Kill the Pain - INXS
5. Vultures - John Mayer

IMAGINE YOU’RE HAVING THE IDEAL PERFECT DAY. WHAT SIX THINGS WOULD YOU BE DOING AND WHAT SOUNDTRACK WOULD UNDERSCORE THE ACTIVITY?
1. Laughing
2. Dancing
3. Laughing
4. Singing
5. Eating really good Italian food (with lots of leftovers for later)
6. Laughing

soundtrack: Just about Anything from Crowded House or Neil Finn

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO GO BACK IN TIME AND ENSURE THAT SEVEN SONGS
WERE NEVER WRITTEN, THUS SPARING HUMANITY FROM EVER HAVING TO HEAR
THEM. WHAT WOULD GET THE AXE?
1. Anything by Whitney Houston
2. From A Distance - Bette Midler
3. Anything by any other young female "of the moment" singer
4. Anything by Celine Dion
5. Anything by Britney Spears
6. Anything heavy/death metal
7. Anything by Avril Lavigne

TOO MANY MUSICIANS DIE PREMATURELY. LIST EIGHT THAT YOU MISS AND FEEL WOULD HAVE WENT ON TO EVEN MORE MUSICAL GREATNESS: (at first I thought it would be difficult coming up with 8 names, but in the end I had to decide who to leave off… it’s sad really)
1. Karen Carpenter
2. Paul Hester (Crowded House Drummer)
3. Freddie Mercury
4. Michael Hutchence
5. Otis Redding
6. John Lennon
7. Jimi Hendrix
8. Andy Gibb

STICK WITH ME, WE’RE ALMOST DONE. LIST THE TOP NINE ARTISTS CURRENTLY IN HEAVIEST ROTATION ON YOUR PLAYLIST:
1. Neil Finn (His writing is awesome, he is a God to me)
2. Crowded House
3. Midnight Oil
4. INXS (Circa Michael Hutchence-I've come to realize how much I miss his voice)
5. John Mayer - His guitar playing is A-mazing!
6. Amy Winehouse -yeah, she's a bit drunk, & she dresses weird, but her voice is amazing
7. Liam Finn -Son of Neil, he's bound for greatness,he's got the Finn talent in spades!
8. Scissor Sisters - They are SO fun!
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers - The rock my socks off

FINALLY! EVERYONE HAS SONGS THEY RELATE TO. LIST 10 THAT ARE PERSONAL TO YOU:
1. 4 in the Morning - Gwen Stefani
2. Guns in the Sky - INXS
3. Love is a Losing Game - Amy Winehouse
4. Diamonds & Pearls - Prince
5. Gather to the Chapel - Liam Finn
6. Anytime - Neil Finn
7. I see Red - Split Enz
8. Good Love is On the Way - John Mayer
9. Ribbons in the Sky - Stevie Wonder
10.Get Gotten - Ben Lee

Pity Party For One

2007-05-05T23:05:00.000-05:00

Oh my God, what's wrong w/ me tonight? Totally hating my life right now. It's Saturday night, I've been on the web all night, wandering aimlessly around, with no one to talk to.....I'm feeling terribly pathetic tonight. I've been listening to the song 4 in the morning, by Gwen Stefani on repeat all night long. I'm feeling so utterly alone right now, altho I'm not alone alone. I'm probably going to read this back later & feel so stupid for having written stuch tripe.

It's not that I totally hate being single, it's definitely got it's advantages, but it's those times when you really feel like you need closeness with someone. I've been long overdue for some closeness, but I feel like I have this battle with myself sometimes where I'll tell myself, "you're too bossy, too this, too that, not skinny/pretty/funny whatever enough for anyone to love". Cripes, I thought I was over this in my 20's & early 30's....Whoever said that you feel more "settled" in your 40's was lying, it's bullshit, I hardly feel settled. I still feel scattered at times. I hardly know what the hell to do w/ myself at times, never sure about what I ultimately want in life or how to get it. They don't give you a guidbook about living singly in your 40's, how the hell do you figure out life all by yourself?

Mouse House

2007-05-02T01:02:00.000-05:00

We've got a mouse in the house. Oh. My. GOD! Tom, our cat, it seems brought a mouse into the tv room tonight, completely freaking my mother out of her mind, making me freak out too, & I normally don't freak out about mice. We pretty much tore up the room, up ending chairs, to no avail until finally we figured that it went underneath the tv stand. I got a towel, determined that we were going to catch the little bugger. Did we? Nooooooooooooooooo I had it, I was ready, I tried & then. It zipped under the door to God knows where. We are so screwed. Daaaamn it!

Coachella Festival-Crowded House Appearance

2007-04-30T10:13:00.001-05:00

I wrote this last night on my My Space blog, but I want to repost it here.....

I just got finished watching the excellent Crowded House, who performed for the first time in 10 years. In what SHOULD have been a great exciting performance, was marred right from the start. From the Idiot in the control room who misspelled their name. Hello? CROWED HOUSE? To the brain dead Asshole who dared to have the nerve to throw & actually hit Neil Finn in the chest w/ a water bottle. How fucking dare you. Who DOES that? I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I was shocked & horrified. Disappointed doesn't even begin to cover it. *I've since learned this morning that the bottle, thankfully, did not actually hit Neil, it hit the mic stand. Still, there is absolutely NO excuse for what that shithead did & I sincerely hope he sufferes a horrible horrible case of jock itch

From there, it felt like it went down hill, even tho they soldiered on & made the best of it,I think it really rattled Neil, but they played many favorite hits, from Don't Dream it's Over, to Private Universe, When You Come, World Where You Live to Locked Out, they finished w/ Better Be Home Soon. They did a fantastic job under the circumstances, but the odds sadly were not in their favor. Well let me tell you, they damn well deserve a much better reception than they got. At one point, the jerks in the first 10+ rows were chanting "Rage" over & over, for Rage Against the Machine....Clearly, their fans are vicious, classless, disrespectful & brain dead.

I also want to say that the assholes who were in the audience, & especially to the bastard who hit Neil.......You received a GIFT tonight & you didn't even know it, much less deserve it. Neil Finn should've gotten far more respect than he was given by the likes of you brain dead assholes. NONE OF THOSE BUTTHEADS WOULD KNOW GOOD MUSIC IF IT CAME UP & SLAPPED THEM IN THE FACE If it seems like I'm pissed, well, I AM.

Sadly, I have also come to realize too that Coachella clearly was the wrong festival for them to be at. I'm quite sure they won't make the same mistake twice

Amy Winehouse

2007-04-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

I've recently (finally) discovered the UK singer Amy Winehouse, who I have to say is brilliant! Musically at least. I picked up her most recent cd, Back to Black, & her music is a revelation! It sounds very old, very "torch-y", a throwback to the likes of Peggy Lee, Shirley Bassey & the like. The difference is though, is that she's singing with all modern types of lyrics! She's refreshing, when you first hear her sing, if you've never seen what she looks like, you'd swear that she was black, in fact --She's a white woman, with a big, brassy, ballsy voice! Immediate standouts on her album include Me & Mr Jones, Back to Black & Rehab. But the one song in particular that's stood out with me & had repeated listenings (20 & counting so far) is the song Love is a Losing Game. I really don't know why this one has struck a particular chord with me,but it's such an incredibly sad song, regretful & yet, it's so beautifully sung by Amy. The problem is, such as it is tho, is that she's a big, self proclaimed drunk/druggie, which is a real shame, because she's so hugely talented. I'll certainly be enjoying her music while it lasts.

The following are the lyrics to the exquisite song, Love is a Losing Game:

For you I was a flame,
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came,
Love is losing game

One I wish I never played,
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band,
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand,
Love is a losing hand

Self professed profound
Til' the chips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Tho' I battled blind,
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind,
Love it is a fate resigned

Over futile odds,
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game

My World This Week

2007-04-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well what a week this has been. I'm sitting here thinking of what to write up in here today & wondering where to start. Work was sort of strange today, a little bit busy but mostly slow customer wise today, but we were all working to start getting the seasonal stuff organized & set up. I actually got to work on a couple of displays today & I was really pleased with the way they turned out, they looked great! All day long, we were gazing out the doors, just drooling over the weather today which has finally turned, thank God! It was an absolutely gorgeous day today, sunny & warm, which I've been just dying for. It felt so good to rip my socks off & get into my Birks again, which I wore to work this morning.

We got paid today, yaaay, but I'd decided that I was going to need to go & buy a new pair of shoes for work because my feet, specifically my left foot is really hurting lately, & by the end of an 8 hour shift, my feet just hurt. So I was debating what to do, when I decided to go home first, pay a few bills, then go out & spend some moolah. I normally wouldn't by anything outside of sundry toiletries & things like that at Walmart, but I've noticed that since they've been reno'ing their store & upgrading, they've started carrying Dr Scholes' shoes, so I went to have a quick look & was actually amazed that I was able to find a decent pair of leather shoes for around $40, & they are super comfortable, not bad, but we'll see if they pass the 8 hour shift test tomorrow.

This week has actually gone by really fast again. So many aweful things have happened in the world again this week. There was the shooting of 32 people in BLACKSBURG, Va, at Virginia Tech University by a deranged crazy psycho of a guy, which was completely horrific & sad. It's so unbearably sad that 32 people had to die because of his mental hangups. This thing will be analyzed for weeks & months on end now, lots of questions will be asked, everyone will wait until the next time it happens again, because nothing in the US will ever change. They love their guns too much, how pathetic.

Then, yesterday, a tape was leaked to the press regarding Alec Baldwin. I've always admired his talent, always suspected that he is a man with a very bad temper. Well, it was put on very public display, towards his 11 year old child, which was extremely disturbing. Personally, as much as I admire him as an actor, as far as that goes, I feel that he's probably gotten good & well shafted by Kim Basinger, but the two of them are both just utterly pathetic, selfish people. The only one I feel sorry for is their child, Ireland, because she's probably already so damaged by her parent's selfish hatred of each other, that she may well grow up to be exactly like them which is so sad. It's really scary, the kind of emotional damage people can inflict on each other in the heat of anger & hatred.

I went to see John Mayer play this week in concert. I'd been looking so forward to this show for the longest time. I really do admire this guy's talent, he's a terrifically talented guitar player. However, I ended up coming away from the show very disappointed, because of the fact that he came on at 9:00pm, & played for exactly an hour & a half! Boo! For $80, which was not exactly an easy sacrifice, considering that I'm still saving up for Australia next year, we only got a smallish, very short concert, well that just sucks balls! Not impressed!

Here's one or two of the few pictures I was able to capture from the show:

Random Stuff

2007-04-16T12:30:00.000-05:00

You have many friends and they are worth more than whatever you think will make your wishes come true

Someone I work with sent this to me either late last night or this morning, a woman I work with. She & I could not be more vastly different & yet, we've sort of become fast friends, I think. Last night at work, we had a family & friends sale after hours, & I ended up having more than a few people come in to shop. I think I really surprised her at the number of friends I actually do have.

What she had to say touched me, it made me unexpectedly shed a few tears when I went to reply back to her. We really hardly know each other & yet, she managed to say so much to me in those few words. It's actually really freaky that she has a fairly accurate read on who I am. Am I that much of an open book? That obvious? I guess I am the type of person who wears her emotions on her sleeve, or rather, on her face. I'm definitely someone who can't hide how I'm feeling on my face, hahah.

I replied back to her that on a superficial level I suppose I am as happy as I can be, but on a deeper level happiness is more elusive to me, which I think is probably true. I try every day to always look at positives in any situation. I try to look at both sides of an issue. It's not always easy, sometimes it's a struggle. For the most part, I do feel very greatful to live in the country that I live in, that I was born to the family I was born into, that I have clean air to breathe, that I have a full time job, that I've been able to earn enough money to be able to realize my dream trip for next year. There's so much that I have to be happy & greatful for & yet, I remain somewhat unhappy on certain levels.

There are times when I really wish I had someone to come home to other than my parents & Tom the cat. I long to be in love with someone & to have some one love me back. This is the biggest thing lacking in my life & yet, at the same time, I am afraid to go out & seek it for myself because the one thing I hate feeling is vulnerable. To open myself up to be rejected or turned down or have my heart broken, I just think I can't bear it. I went thru it once, when I was younger & since then I've closed myself up to that again, only occationally attempting to remotely ask a guy out here & there, only to bomb terribly. It's just too hard to go thru that time & again. And yet, I hate being alone. Okay, so, I think I've said way too much as it is, so I'm just going to shut up right now, time to go back into my shell again.

Good Karma

2007-04-16T12:10:00.000-05:00

I'm not one who's really into new-agey hoo haa, but I got this email recently, & there's quite a few things in it that not only make sense, but are really true too....

1. Take into account that great love & great achievements involve great risk

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

3. Follow the three R's:

*Respect for Self
*Respect for Others
*Responsability for all your actions -this last one is so rare anymore, but SO true!

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck

5. Learn the rules so that you know how to break them properly

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it

8. Spend some time alone every day

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older & think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past

14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality

15. Be gentle with the earth

16. Once a year, go some place you've never been before

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it

19. Approach love & cooking with reckless abandon

Feeling Good

2007-04-14T07:25:00.000-05:00

Isn't it amazing, the things, even some of the simplest things that make you feel good? For me, music feeds my soul each & every day. Another thing that, all too briefly yesterday, fed my soul, was while driving to work yesterday, I looked up to the sky & saw a small patch of blue sky. Now, normally, the sky is just something we usually see every day, but lately, it's been rainy, overcast & miserably cold. But yesterday, I looked up to the sky & saw the patch of blue, & it just felt so good. And I thought, I really need to see more of that.As I drove further along into Burlington, I also thought, as I was gazing at the blue in the sky, that I feel so greatful to have air in my lungs, my eyes to see everything.

Sunrises & sunsets also have the same effect on me too, I love them, they're beautiful.

Song Obssessions

2007-04-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a song that you listen to out of the blue & suddenly become obssessed with it & listen to it a zillion times? Well, I finally got on the computer & was listening to random songs & came upon this song called If I had you by Bic Runga.......Listening to it wash over my ears, I couldn't help but wistfully wish I had someone special in my life......I'm not getting any younger & yet, I can't bear to spend much more time alone.....But, single I remain for the time being.....

Anyway, here are the lyrics to this beautifully sung song by Ms Bic Runga....

If I had you
What in the world could be better?
A crazy love that waits for you
Why must it wait forever?

If I had you
Key to a hidden treasure
A ruby heart that hides from you
Don´t hide for long

´Cos in the warm, warm night
Does nothing stir your cold, cold heart?
There´s not a thing that I couldn´t do to belong

Oh... Oh... Oh...
Darling, in the night, I ask the good Lord in Heaven
Please show me what love can do... I couldn´t care for more

If I had you
What in the world could be better?
A crazy love that waits for you
Why must it wait forever?

If I had you
To be ever so close together
One safe love to shelter you
And tender loving arms

´Cos in the warm, warm night
Does nothing stir your cold, cold heart?
There´s not a thing that I couldn´t do to belong

Oh! Oh! OH!
Darling, in the night, I ask the good Lord in Heaven
Please show me what love can do... I couldn´t care for more
All what love can do... I couldn´t care for more
All that love can do... I couldn´t care for more

Age is Just a Number

2007-04-06T16:11:00.000-05:00

The following by George Carlin are definitely....Words to Live By I Say!

It's funny that I got this in an email today, because one of my lovely friends, Karen is celebrating a milestone birthday today....I hope she sees this & has a fabulous day! :)

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life.....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED ; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG:
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them"

2. Keep only cheerful friends .. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer , crafts, gardening , whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud . Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music , plants, hobbies , whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips .. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breathswe take, but by the moments that take our breath away

Otter Love

2007-04-05T20:17:00.000-05:00

If this isn't the sweetest example of the power of love, I don't know what is......This video is the CUTEST thing I've ever seen!!!!!!! I absolutely frickin' LOVE this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno

Michael Hutchence Was Sex on Legs

2007-03-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've recently started reading the officially sanctioned autobiography of the Australian band, INXS, which in turn tonight, has got me suddenly hot to want to listen to their music again. Not the current lineup w/ JD Fortune in the lead, but the band when it included the late, great, dearly departed Michael Hutchence.

Michael was sex on legs, he was THE sex god for the 80's era. I always knew this periferally, but since starting to read the autobio, I am beginning to grasp just exactly how much he was. He was very sexually voracious, curious, loving, a gentleman always. But he'd go from one to the next to the next & nobody seemed to mind apparently.

I started reading the book from the beginning, it begins with the Farriss brothers,where it all began. The book also has chapters for all of the guys & tells abou their backgrounds. Well, my curiosity got the better of me & I stopped briefly & read Michael's section. Most of it was a revelation to me, there were a few things about him I had no idea or just don't remember about. For instance, that he'd had an accident, apparently bad enough that it changed his brain chemistry, took away completely his ability to smell, which in turn, brought on years of depression for Michael. I had no idea. Anyway, so far, it's a typical, sex, drugs & rock & roll kind of read, the only difference is, this band is, was & will always be an extremely tight unit.

I did end up buying "Switch" soon after JD won the whole Rock Star schlamile, but I barely listen to it at all right now. It's cool that the rest of the guys finally were able to soldier on, It'll just never be the same, for me anyway, without Michael.

Strange Days

2007-03-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling so stir crazy right now. Spring is right on the cusp. The weather is on the verge of turning nice & warm finally, yet, everyone around me, myself included is feeling so bloody crabby right now. I want to just disappear into some music & drown out all the bitchyness & snarky comments around me. I've been making new jewelry again, this time, for paying customers..How exciting is that? I'm really flattered that people are actually liking the necklaces I'm making, & I still even have a few other people to make things for, so this might turn out to be an interesting little indeavor. One small problem is tho, having enough eye catching pieces to make things with. Beading can be a bit of an expensive proposition at times.

But I do enjoy doing it. The last time I went into this one store I go to (not very often I might add), I showed the lady there some of my pieces, she was the type of person who's an instructor for classes there. She politely said, "oh, those are really nice, stringing beads is nice", in such a way as to really say, hmmmm, so simply boring, you simpleton. I don't really care tho, because I know I should probably learn how to do more elaborate pieces, but frankly, I'm not interested in learning to make more complicated pieces because they're too time consuming. Frankly, I'd rather put together the pieces that I already make, because they always turn out so pretty, in my humble opinion.

Here are the latest pieces I made for two ladies in the States:

I think they turned out pretty flashy to me. But I guess I'm my own biggest fan too.

Anyway, I'm hoping the March doldrums don't last much longer, because I'm in some desparate need of some warm weather and soon! I'm also looking forward to April 17th, because I'll be going to see John Mayer then too. It's been so long, sort of, since I've been to a concert, it's going to be a really fun night w/ my longtime friend Marianne. And, I keep telling myself that this time next year, I won't be here, I'll be on the other side of the world in Australia, I can't even believe it sometimes, because I've wanted to go for so long & worked so hard for so long towards this goal of finally getting there. My biggest concern to date, is hoping the money won't totally disappear within a week of getting there, lol, I'm going to really need to start learning how to pace myself in the spending department - which, for me is far easier said than done, I am a veteran spender.

So anyway.......That's all for another day, hope I didn't bore my few readers to death :D

Reality Shows

2007-03-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am a fan of reality programming. Not all of it, but there are a few that are really good & still have my attention. Among my favorites:

Big Brother - Met a few of them at meet & greets, generally a nice bunch of people, the one standout of course is Marcellas Reynolds who is a very cool cat

There were a few others of course.....These boys are SO handsome, a fact that was not lost on me!

The Amazing Race - It's so not fair that Canadians can't participate, because this one show, I'd do in a heartbeat....The one show that I think is the absolute best

Survivor - Okay, at 10+ years, it's a little long in the tooth at this point, it should've probably been done & over after season 6-7, because it has been so boring & I've been paying less & less attention to it, altho, I will still peak at it. Along w/ some of the BB crew, I've also met people from Survivor, among other shows as well

Miami Ink - I find this show facinating, because of the designs that people have done...I have one myself, & so tattoos in general just facinate me

Kiss Family Values - Now, the real point of this blog, is this show, featuring Gene Simmons & his family, Shannon Tweed, & his kids, Nick & Sophie. I've never been a huge fan of the band Kiss. Ever. However Gene Simmons the man, I find completely facinating & compelling. This man is very intelligent, well read, sharp, obviously has very good business accumen. And yet, he's the guy in the ghoul makeup, spewing blood & alledgedly has bedded many many women. The way he carries himself in his daily life, such as it is on his show, is intriguing to me because he certainly doesn't come off like a typical "rock star" type of guy. I'm quite sure he's been there done that many times over. I think he could probably be just a bit intimidating upon initially meeting hiim, but he strikes me as a very friendly, outgoing, genial type of guy, he also seems to have a certain amount of charm w/ the ladies, who practically throw themselves at him still, despite the fact that he's committed to Shannon.

It's also sort of intersting to get a peek into his life w/ his family to see what he's really like, altho it's hard to know whether that's the real him or if he's simply playing to the camera. Makes for a funny, interesting show tho, think a funkier version of the Osbornes.

So that's that show. There've been a few others that came & went & even a few that are still around that I'll look at from time to time, Outback Jack & Temptation Island being the former, Real World being the latter. I've looked at the Bachelor/ette shows from time to time when they've been on, but in the end I thought they were pretty stupid.

Overall tho, I don't think that there would be enough money in the world to make me want to open myself up to that kind of scrutiny

Crowded House 2007

2007-03-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

Just last night, I watched a webcast, by the newly reformed Crowded House. This is the new & improved Crowded House. I love this band. I've loved them from the beginning, & ever since Split Enz before them. Neil Finn is my musical God. His brillance is awesome. But so too is Nick Seymour, Mark Hart, the dearly departed Paul Hester & the newest member of the band, Matt Sherrod formerly of the band Beck.

As I sat in front of my monitor, witnessing a brand new chapter of Crowded House unfold, I think I felt like I needed to pinch myself, because it's been so long since I've seen them play live. How incredibly exciting!! Now, don't get me wrong, because it would've been so amazing w/ Paul Hester. It's almost a bittersweet thing, but, by all indications, Neil & company looks so happy to be together playing again, & I think for the majority of the fans who love them, we're all ecstatically happy as well. Some of us only got the chance to see them once, long ago, many have seen them many times over, & some of us out there never got the chance at all. Finally, we'll all have a chance to see them play again soon.

Of course, the loss of Paul Hester was, is, & remains a huge loss to everyone. In a small way, Crowded House will never be the same again. But, the more things change, the more they stay the same too, don't they? During the webcast, the band was tight, albeit for a few forgotten words from Neil, but they played strongly. Matt did a fabulous job on the skins & I for one think that he's going to fit in very well w/ Neil, Nick & Mark. They'll be embarking on a world tour later this year as well. If all goes well, & I am praying to the musical Gods that the timing of it all works out, I will once again see them play again, just with a slightly different lineup.

And next year, I'll be in Australia & what would be the biggest kick of all, would be if I could see them - ANY of them, play in Australia, then, I think I could possibly die a very happy woman indeed!

I Hate Insomnia!

2007-03-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been finding myself waking up usually at 2-3AM, thinking it's hours later at 5-6AM...Damn! I've been told that this is an age related thing, which is strange, because I've been beginning to find that, the older I've gotten, I'm really appreciating sleep more than ever, especially lately...I'm too young to feel this old yet....But working stock, hauling heavy boxes around & going up & down ladders all day will do that to you.....It's a good thing I sort of enjoy my job, for the most part..lol....

Please...Make it Stop Already!

2007-03-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

Snow.......More snow again! Arrggg! And so frickin' cold, my fingers are hurting like mad, my skin on my fingers is just beyond help....The last few previous days were actually nice, mild even, a small taste of what, supposedly, is to come....Guess I should be glad that it's probably Mother Natures' last kick at the can of winter....I will be SO glad when it's finally over & done with......Sigh

Wow - Who Knew!

2007-03-14T23:30:00.000-05:00

I'm so bored tonight......There doesn't seem to be all that much going on tonight...There's nothing remotely interesting on tv tonight...Not that I've been watching as much lately anyway....Altho I'm thoroughly addicted to this whole Anna Nicole drama going on, & I am firmly on Larry Birkhead's team....

Actually, in the last few days, since i've posted pictures of my beaded necklaces, I've generated some interest by people actually wanting one of their own....WOW! How cool is that? I've always tended to make them for myself, but some of them lately have turned out so well, that people actually want one themselves....I feel really flattered......And, I'm going to try & sell them at Serenity Now as well...I have to make up a few more by some time next week tho.....That would be amazing if a few people did buy them....I could add any proceeds to my trip fund for next year maybe...Hmmmm

So other than that, I'm bored.....And I'm listening to Corrine Bailey Rae...She's good & mellow.....I like that at this time of night.....My neck still hurts from this morning...I think I slept funny, I woke up w/ a stiff neck & shoulder blade...Made work interesting today, I could barely turn my head much w/o it hurting...I hate it when that happens, *ques rolling eyes* ....And....By the weekend, it's going to get cold again & possibly snow.....When will it ever end???? I really want warmer temperatures soon....

Anyhoo, til next time little blog...Goodnight...

2007-03-13T20:06:00.000-05:00

Just a bit more to add to my last, creative blog entry......Today I made a few new pieces....They turned out beautifully......So beautifully tho, that I almost don't want to sell them.....They're like my babies or something, lol, I'm loathe to let them go, but if I can sell them, & make a bit of a profit, & the person that buys them actually enjoys them...Then that's all that matters

Yesterdays' Adventure

2007-03-12T22:01:00.000-05:00

Well, the expedition to Toronto was a huge success. The day was absolutely gorgeous, but for a bit of chilly wind, it was sunny & mostly mild out, not that we were outside for very long anyway.

So we got to the convention centre, & made our way to the ground floor where the bead show was. I found it to be vastly improved from last year, because it was double what it was last year, & there were a lot more venders this year. Also because, within about an hour, I'd already spent about a good $40, but this year, I came away with a great haul!

By the time I'd left, I'd spent the $80 I came with, plus probably another $50 on top of that! Who knew beads could really add up in price!

I haven't actually made anything with my beads in quite a while, just haven't had much inspiration to do anything thru the cold winter. But I do find that every time I go & buy new stuff, inspiration always sparks sooner or later. When it comes to beads, I tend to lean towards water/sky colours, blues & greens, & also towards bright, vibrant ruby coloured crystals. I love collecting the big, blown glass beads as well, because they're so gorgeous & pretty. So today, I sat down & banged out three necklaces:

I've gotten some great feedback about them already too. Some people have asked if I'd sell them. It really amazes me that people would actually want to buy them, but it might have to be something I'd consider some time maybe. The problem is, I should learn to start buying more in bulk, because often times, I'll make something & get attached to it. It happened with the last necklace I made, which I eventually gave away to a friend, altho right now, I can't remember which friend i gave it to..Duuuh!

It's definitely something I enjoy doing tho, because often times, altho they're not really anything too complicated, they come out looking very fancy & funky looking, which pleases me to no end, because they look so beautiful put together :)

Spring Forward

2007-03-11T07:28:00.000-05:00

I've sprung forward. I actually remembered to set my clock ahead last night before retiring for the night. Today I'm hunting for beads in Toronto..Woo hoo! I'm hoping to find some new inspiration to make some new pretty things..We'll see how that goes.....

I love heading into Toronto, it's great, always fun to walk around & look at everything going on. The people watching is outstanding, always facinating.

Travelling

2007-03-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

I love travelling. I've been to a lot of different places, almost all of which, I can say I loved completely! If I had to make a list of where I've been, it would read like this:

Jamaica - When I was 5 w/ the family...I had a birthday when I was down there, & I remember the housekeeper made me a chocolate cake :)
Florida - Several times
Las Vegas - Two or three times at least
Alabama - Once...was enough
Myrtle Beach - At least twice...Loved it as a kid
California - LOVED IT!!!
Punta Cana, The Domnican Republic - On my own for the first time to a Club Med in my 20's...It was a great experience & I gained 2 friends out of it
New York City - Loved it,was amazed by it, altho at the time, it rained for almost the whole time I was there....Would love to see it when it's sunny
Maui, Hawaii - Went for Christmas a couple of years ago,18 days, Loved it, Died & went to heaven LOVED IT! Would go back in a split second

So obviously, I love to travel. It has mostly been w/ my family for the most part, but I've loved every minute of it. I've yet to have a bad travel experience, save for delays, but you can't do much about those. The problem is, travelling to anywhere desireable is so flaming expensive & in most cases far, far away! Basically, I'd say I'm pretty happy if I have the option of lots to see & do, whether it's tourist attractions of local spots, or, I'm also perfectly content sitting on a beach by an ocean or some body of water, w/ lots to read, books & trash mags & some music - well, I'll have that now that I have my awesome Ipod :).

That's why I am SO looking forward to finally heading off to Australia & hopefully a bit of New Zealand next year. This trip has been on the "TO DO/PLACES TO GO" list for EVER. Ever since I was a teenager, when I heard the first notes of Australian music by bands like Hunters & Collectors, INXS, Mental as Anything, Split Enz, & Crowded House, I've been dying to get to Australia. Sometimes that desire waned a bit, as I've gone to other places or been interested in other things. But it's always been in the back of my mind. I want to go there, & see & do as much as I can possibly fit in.

It's been a long hard slog tho, saving up for this little adventure is the biggest challenge I've faced. It takes a lot of money to get to where you want to go, & Australia is no exception. In the long run tho, I think it will more than be worth it in the end. I'm still hoping to go for at least 2 months, but it'll have to see. Unfortunately, money is still the ruling factor. I know for sure that I'll be in Australia for a full month. It's the New Zealand portion of the trip that I'm not sure about yet. A lot depends on how far I can stretch what I've saved. I've saved well, & been given extremely generous gifts of $$$ to help the travel fund.

Ultimately tho, I'm really hoping to do Auckland, New Zealand for at least a week, maybe two if I'm lucky. My rationale is, if I'm going to go that far over to the other side of the world, it would seem a shame to not at least try & get over to New Zealand, not to mention the fact that it'll take me another God knows how long to save up again to go back over there, & who knows when/if I'll ever go back again?

See, that's the problem w/ being infected w/ the travel "bug". It's like, when your parents start you off early travelling around, it becomes a part of your pyche, a part of who you are. And it becomes addicting, something that you look forward to doing because it gets you out of your blah (if you have a blah, occationally mudane) life. Travelling is exciting! While I don't love being stuck at an airport any longer than I have to be, I love going there, & observing the people coming & going, to'ing & fro'ing. One of my favorite things to do is people watch, I find it so facinating.

And then, there's the destination, barring anything going wrong, you get to where you're going & you have a great time hopefully, w/ as little hassle or problems as possible. But then, maybe that's the naive side of me, thinking that, nothing will go wrong. For the most part, I've travelled w/ my parents & usually, if anything has gone wrong, my father has always been able to deal w/ it & make things run somewhat smoothly. This time, for my next big adventure, I'm on my own & I just hope that if things do go wrong, I'll be able to handle them calmly, w/o freaking out & with aplomb.

Just out of curiousity, I thought I'd check out Atlantis Paradise Resort and Casino, because I've heard so much about it. It looks fabulous, it looks absolutely huge, basically, it's a mega resort. Well, it's absolutely gorgeous, that's for sure! However, it's also exorbitantly expensive!! My jaw hit the floor when I saw the rates! But, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean, a place like that, as huge & as luxurious as it is, it's got to pay for itself somehow. I don't really think tho that it might be for the "average person" tho...Woweewow!

Stream of Conciousness Blah Blah Blah

2007-03-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

It's a gorgeous, sunny day out today, but it's also freezing cold outside, so I'm not going out today....I'm tired,bored at the moment, & my ankle hurts...This week is a pay week, thank God, & I'm looking forward to Sunday, which seems so far away at the moment, but I'll be off to Toronto for a bead trade show, where I hope to find some inspiration to create something pretty.....I really want spring to hurry up & get here already, I'm sick of the cold temperatures, I want to feel warm breezes & see flowers blooming.....This year is going to go by quickly tho, it's exciting because, by this time next year, I should be in Australia.....I'm excited at the prospect of finally going, maybe a bit scared too because it'll be the furthest I've been away from home & I just hope that it all goes well...But I'm really excited at the prospect of new experiences & meeting lots of new & interesting people......Right now tho, I'm in desparate need of some heat from the sun....

Into The Sunset - Neil Finn

Here lies a place
Won't let me languish
Hears all my footsteps and waits
Watch how she fades into the sunset
A vision spectacular in grace
Hunger for the world travel
Stimulating discussion lift me
Faster into the weakness
Off the wall into blackness
Gifted
Red eyes reflect
Open the suitcase
Spread all your clothes on the floor
Much like it was
Ten years ago
Time on the clock
Don't want to waste it
Watch how she fades into the sunset
A vision spectacular in grace
Hunger for the world travel
Stimulating discussion lift me

Faster into the weakness
Off the wall into blackness
Gifted
And I'm away from home
And it's a way of life
And I'm flying high
And I'm a wheeling gull
Here now I come to rest
Under a lion rock
Over marine parade
Maybe this time
Here I'll stay

Contemplating 40

2007-02-27T07:50:00.000-05:00

I attempted to start this post last night, but was at a bit of a loss for words about what to say....My 30's are rapidly winding down, & I'm on the verge of the next decade of my life...I'm wondering if it'll be more of the same or something entirely different....

I know that in my mind at least, I'm still in a "29 & holding" mindset....What & how are almost 40 year olds supposed to think & feel? I know that physically at times, especially in my knees, I'm feeling far older than I ought to be! My knees crick & crack more than a Chinese Christmas cracker! At 39, I've finally gotten into a steady full time job that for the most part, I do still love at this point, altho running the drapery department has been far more challenging than I anticipated, but this is only because it had been so badly neglected & abused, now that I'll be running it, it's been a huge undertaking to get it back to where it should have been all along....So, there's that.....

On the more personal side of my life, I'm still single, happy to be so for the most part, but there are times when it just sucks....I still sometimes get a sense that I'm not sure what I want out of this life....They don't give you a handbook to guide you on what life is supposed to be like if you're still single at this age, altho there's plenty of (somewhat) good advice out there....

Anyway, I have Australia to look forward to next year, when I turn 41...Woo Hoo, I'm finally gonna get there, & I can't wait! It's been a long time coming for this trip & barring the creepy crawlies that I'm sure will freak me out when I get there, it'll be an amazing time.....

Awards Season Part Two

2007-02-26T21:11:00.000-05:00

The Oscars.....Short & sweet.......

First of all,after lasting for the whole FOUR HOURS, they were three hours too flaming long. Ellen Degeneres, who I normally enjoy, was only so-so funny at times. Far too many interpretive dances, altho some of them were amusing.....I haven't seen a single one of the movies that were nominated yet, but I hope to see at least some of them.....Everyone looked good for the most part, I loved the colour of Jessica Biel's dress....Gorgeous....

Speaking of gorgeous....George Clooney, Clive Owen & Hugh Jackman......ALL Gorgeous & outrageously easy on the eyes...Nice that Martin Scorses finally got his Oscar, handed to him by the trifecta of directors, Spielberg, Lucas & Coppola.....Way to go Al Gore on his win for An Inconvenient Truth

Awards Season Part One

2007-02-24T07:31:00.000-05:00

The Oscars are going to be on tomorrow night & I can't wait! I know that there are a lot of people who think they're dumb, but I live for award shows, I think they're kind of exciting, particularly, to see how all the ladies are dressed, & to see if they're dripping in gorgeous jewellery. And certainly because, it's nice to see some excess & glamour as compared to my not even remotely glamourous.

Once they're over, I'll return to post up the post show analysis

Looking Forward, Not Backward

2007-02-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been finding myself out of sorts a bit...I'm finding that in some ways, I'm losing my way from time to time, getting frustrated about things on my mind, sometimes I'm finding that I don't even like myself occationally, because I've been such a complaining pain in the arse lately......

Day to day frustrations seem to be getting the better of me lately & I hate it. It's so maddening lately, because I genuinely want to be a happy well adjusted person, & for the most part I already am. I don't know why it is that sometimes you just go off the rails a bit......It's so stupid really......

I really wish I could erase & do over yesterday, because yesterday really sucked. I felt stretched so thin yesterday & I was in more of a dark headspace than I have been in a long time. I really want to try & be the best person I can be, but it feels like such a struggle sometimes. And so, I'm feeling like a constant self improvement project. And sometimes, I think I just need to get over myself as well..I'm also turning 40 very soon, & frankly, I need to just "grow up" too....
I sometimes think as well that it doesn't help that the weather has been so cold & I just hate winter. Winter is enough to make anybody feel miserable sometimes.....

I'm giving myself a gift. Today is a new day, it's going to be a better day, because I'm making up my mind to make it a better day. Because it has to be. I have to really, because otherwise, it's going to cost me dearly, & I really don't want to face "what could be".....So, today is a whole new day, & I can only hope that it'll be a vast improvement over yesterday.

On a final note............I have John Mayer to look forward to in April at the ACC in Toronto....Woo Hoo!

Help Me Jenny Craig

2007-02-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

I have been craving junk food a lot lately. I swear, it has to do w/ the fact that it's cold outside & that's all I seem to feel like eating. I try to be really selective tho in my choices of junk. Pringles sour cream & onion chips for one thing. Anything milk chocolate for another. What is it about chocolate that makes it so addictive anyway???

I'm trying to control myself tho & not go too overboard. I'm trying to balance it by walking on the treadmill at least...Well, sometimes...Me & food & exercise have a really big love/hate relationship sometimes

Snow Day - The View From Here

2007-02-14T11:03:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, just when I thought I wasn't going to need snow tires....Mother Nature decides to throw me a curve ball....Errr, snow ball! 10 centimetres & it's still coming down! It was pretty interesting looking last night, then, I looked out the front door this morning....And, it just so happens to be Valentines' Day....How's that for a double kick in the shins! Valentine's day is depressing to me, but that's a whole other blog.....

So pretty much, I can't even open the front door, let alone drive out, so I get to stay home today & veg.....Yaaay me....I'll take some pictures later & try to get them up because it actually does look kind of nice & pretty & pristine looking, but at this point, I am more than ready to be done w/ winter, I'm sick of it...I am really in dire need of the feeling of a warm breeze on my face right now, & sunshine that will warm, rather than freeze my fingers off....

In the meantime, I have John Mayer to look forward to in April...WOO!!! I haven't had the opportunity to see him play live yet, but, by God, I am going in April when he comes to the ACC....I need something to look forward to....There is Australia of course, but that's not until next March/April, still to far away for me....So there's John...And actually, while I'm on the subject of concerts, there is also the other excellent band Crowded House to look forward to later this year too....I have a feeling that there is going to be a ton of great music invading my ears this year....I can't wait!! :)

RIP Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-09T21:34:00.000-05:00

Revisiting the whole celebrity obssession, it came as a shock initially, but hardly a surprise when the news came out that Anna Nicole Smith has passed away. What a sad, sad story. Anna Nicole has died, of a possible overdose, & her daughter is left parentless, at the very least motherless, never mind fatherless. And it's become in instantly grotesque circus, with the media everywhere, Howard K Stern in hiding somewhere, supposedly in grief. Larry Birkhead grieving, I do believe him to be the father of Danniellyn, the baby in question.

The media is everywhere, talking to anyone remotely connected in some way to Anna Nicole, it's so crazy. And everyone is eating it up. Serious news channels like CNN & FOX are covering this story for hours on end. Suddenly the war on terror & other more slightly newsworthy stories are on the back burner.

There is no doubt at all that Anna Nicole has been just an utter tragic mess since the death of her son Daniel. Reports are that she's never recovered. But in every interview up until recently, she's always been impecably groomed & put together. What a crazy life she's lived, it's a wonder that this woman had any peace at all.

Unfortunately, there is a baby, Danniellyn, who is now in the centre of this storm, everyone is fighting over her, everyone wants her, Anna's mother, Larry Birkhead, Howard K Stern, the latter of whom should never be allowed to be anywhere near her ever again. And now, for some reason that defies logic, Zsa Zsa Gabor's insane "husband" has now inserted himself into this drama! All the loonies are coming out during all of this & it's just completely aweful.

Hopefully now in death, she'll have the peace she so craved. Hopefully, she's been reunited with her son Daniel.

Mmmmm, Dinner

2007-02-07T23:28:00.000-05:00

I went out for dinner tonight after work at a new (to me) place out in Burlington, called Olive, pronounced Olivay, there's an accent above the "E", so I think that's how you say it........Anyway, my cousin Brenda took me out as a sort of Christmas/birthday dinner thing....She's always so generous to me, moreso than I think I am w/ her, so I think I really need to knuckle down & up my generosity quotent w/ her.......Anyway, I think this was the latest in a series of establishments that've been at this particular building, & I came away very impressed. My first impression was a great one & I will definitely be back to this place.

Our server's name was Alex, & from the get go, he impressed me. He was polite, knowledgeable w/ the specials, & most importantly, prompt in bringing the food & drink to the table. It help immensely that he happened to be cute too. Damn, what is it about really cute 20-something guys that have turned my head lately?

I digress. We started off sharing some Bruscetta, which was a good start. Brenda had a Risotto dish, & I had an Angel hair dish. By all indications, she really liked her dinner, but she could barely finish it & ended up bringing some home. I had an angel hair dish w/ salmon in it,I loved & I just about finished my plate.

As we sat & chatted & caught up on what we've both been up to, I was able, between bites, to take in the decor of this place. It's very cool. Lots of paper-y lantern light fixtures, fancy decorator mirrors all around, stone walls, stained glass. Very cool looking indeed, it kind of gave me a kind of "metropolitan, New York City-ish" kind of feel to it. It certainly didn't feel as if I were out in Burlington at all.

Alex, our server, ended up comping our dessert after informing us that the one I'd ordered wasn't available. It certainly sealed my impression of this new-to-me place. I decided right then & there that I would most certainly be back to it again. Even tho Brenda insisted on paying for dinner, I insisted on leaving Alex a really rather generous tip. He earned it.

Feeling Like a Frozen Popcicle Today

2007-02-05T07:21:00.000-05:00

I may never survive today, with the wind chill factor, it's -32!!! All it means to me is, it's freezing frickin' cold! I'm just hoping my car will start today...Where oh where is spring???

They Hit a Whaaaaaat??????

2007-01-30T22:27:00.000-05:00

Right now, my parents are in Antarctica on a cruise. Up until tonight, it had been about two weeks since I'd heard from them, I assumed they were off having a good time, seeing the frozen sights in the Arctic. Tonight, I got a call from my mom, she sounded good, said they were having a good time, at one point, she asked me to hold on a second, I couldn't tell what she was doing but I waited. When she came back, she let me know that they were fine, but wanted to let me know that they were going to be changing ships because they'd hit a rock. Say whaaaaaaaaaaat??? I stayed calm, listening to my mother matter of factly explain that the ship had hit a rock, & while the damage wasn't so bad that they were taking on water or sinking, thank GOD, the crew had made the decision that it would be safer to change ships rather than do the day & a half crossing back down to Chile.

Now, while thoughts of Titanic ran wild in my head, I stayed calm listening to my mother tell me how great the trip has been, they've seen tons of beautiful terrain, lots of volcanos apparently, & iceburgs, it sounds really pretty, but very cold at the same time. She said the temps were in around the 30's, brrrrr! She told me that she'd seen penguins, & that apparently you're not supposed to walk in front of them or be too up close to them, that you should just let them pass you by. Sometimes they'd even stop to size you up, probably wondering what you were doing in their neck of the woods.

Still, it gives me pause, this whole ship hitting a rock thing. I think I won't not feel concerned until I know that they're safe & sound back on terra firma. In the meantime, even tho it's not very often that I do pray, I think I will now. I don't have the impression that they're in any impending danger, and yet, in that area of the world, anything can happen, I just don't want anything to happen to my parents just yet, not right now. I am no where near prepared to start even thinking of dealing w/ the possibilities of what could happen. In the meantime, I'll just keep breathing in, maybe breathing out once I hear my parents voices once again, safe in the knowledge that they're safe & sound.

Snow Day

2007-01-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

My aunt & uncle are currently down undah in Perth Australia enjoying, albeit slowly, the 80+ degree weather right now & swimming in the Indian Ocean.....

I am staring out the window as I type this, staring at all the fluffy white snow blowing around outside & debating about whether to get out there & get it off the drive w/ the snow blower....

Sometimes life's not fair, lol, but I know that we'll have our turn again......in about 3 more months or so....Pfffttt!

We Must Save the Evironment

2007-01-27T22:15:00.000-05:00

I've just finished watching An Inconvenient Truth finally, I've been wanting to watch this film, narrated by Al Gore for the longest time. I am now glad I did because everything Al had to say, I've listened to & will take to my heart. When shown pictures of glacial ice caps melting, or no longer in existance, this is not something you can ignore any longer. When crazy weather patterns are happening all over the world, world temperature records are now regularly being smashed every year, this should scare everyone right down to their bones!

I am the first one to admit, that I like my creature comforts, I like being warm in the winter & cool in the summer, but now after watching the film, maybe a little discomfort is a small price to pay for what we do w/ the environment in the future. My brother Derek is already way ahead of the learning curve. He is a man who is deeply concerned w/ the environment & the state the world. He's already way ahead of a lot of us, in the ways that he lives his life & conserves precious resources. Some of the ways in which he does things, we find a bit odd, or unusual, but maybe he's got a point, maybe he's onto something that everyone ought to be doing.

He came to visit back in November for a bit, & one day, my mother & I sat at the table & listened to what he had to say. It was a good talk, not that I contributed much to it, but I listened & tried to understand even a little of what he tried to say, it's all so vast & complex. There is a lot that he feels we could/should be doing more of. It's not an easy thing to try & change old habits, but after having watched An Inconvenient Truth, I am going to pledge to try & do something, for myself, even if it's small baby steps, at least it'll be steps in the right direction.

Blog Number One

2007-01-26T23:50:00.000-05:00

Well here I am, attempting to start blogging once again. I've had a bit of encouragement lately to start trying again, so here I go. I can't promise I'll have anything to say that'll be remotely interesting to anyone but myself, but who knows, I may even surprise myself, along w/ anyone else who might stumble upon this blog of mine.

Living in a Celebrity Obssessed World

2007-01-26T21:27:00.000-05:00

Paris, Lindsey, Nicole, Britney, Brad & Angelina, Jessica & John, Rosie & Donald, Anna Nicole.....I know none of these people & yet, day after day, week after week, I follow their comings & goings, kisses & disses almost like an addict. I regularly follow along on gossip websites like TMZ.com, Hollywood Rag, The Superficial, and, amongst the worst of them, Perez Hilton. And then, there's the magazines, from US, People, Entertainment Weekly, InTouch, the Enquirer, among others. It's just the most bizarre thing ever, because none of these people who are in the spotlight are afforded any sort of "private life". Granted, being in the entertainment industry is part & parcel about being out & seen all the time, but these papparazzi absolutely stalk these people. Celebrities are followed anytime, anywhere, from the exciting, such as leaving a premiere or major event, to the mundane, while they're doing their groceries, or picking up their dry cleaning, or leaving doctor's appointments or whatever, & it's totally crazy!

For about a split second, it really makes you wonder what it must be like to be so heavily scrutinized, what it must be like to be the focus of such frenzied attention. And then, noticing all the blinding flash bulbs going off, you thank God & say to yourself, there by the grace of God go I, & thank God I don't have to do that. It's no wonder really why you see these celebrities always wearing these massive sunglasses, even at night, it's because they have to shield their eyes from being blinded to death! Worshipping celebrity has of course, been around for years & years, & it's always had it's moments of scandal, but I'm not sure if it's ever been so sensationalist, salacious, shocking, or scandalous then as it is now.

Just when you think celebrity can't sink to new lows or new scandals, Britney is showing off her goodies for all the world to see, not once but 4 times! Or this one is leaving that one for the new one or so & so was seen snorting drugs in the latest hot spot at 2 o'clock in the morning, or a former famous football hero is getting away with murdering his ex wife & a friend of hers. There always seems to be a new scandal happening. Personally, I can't see our facination w/ celebrity changing anytime soon.